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| "The Kiss" by Gustav Klimt (1909) Klimt intended for this piece to display the raw, true passion men have for women. The man in the painting, too, is an endearing, infatuated maniac! :) |
"The Endearing Mindset of an Infatuated Maniac":
THE Analysis
Okay, so I wrote "The Endearing Mindset of an Infatuated Maniac" in January, a little after the new year, and I was really surprised that it got the amount of page views that it did. I have never spoken to a soul about it, aside from my brilliant actor pal from JMU who I want to perform the monologue **which we still need to find the time to do, Austin!!** (even though I could perform it equally as awesomely, but, to maintain my .. as they say .. "artistic integrity" .. I thought he was better suited for the role.) Anyway, I'm sidetracking, so in this post, I wanted to provide a brief, authentic analysis of this little writing! And an analysis like this can't get more authentic when it's from the person who wrote it (me.)
(Alright, so I'm not gonna tell you who it's about, and I will never, ever ever ever ever ever tell anybody who it's about for as.long.as.I.live. People have asked me and I lie. I don't think the person it's about even knows it's about him, so that's why I green-lit it for my blog..Of course, I would be a super embarrassed if he did know it was about him,but whatever.....)
I'm sidetracking. So, without further adieu, here it goes....
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I've enrolled in creative writing courses at JMU- I even did a creative writing study abroad course in Ireland, a perfect location for any literary nerd! The several workshops we had in our classes were so beneficial when it came to our creative writing, really helping us understand the difference between good and not-so-good literature. (You wouldn't eat shit, shouldn't read it either!!) So I definitely knew the flaws in this monologue before I published it, and I was aware of the type of criticism it would possibly receive. So, if this monologue were graded by a creative writing professor, I would say that it would probably land within the B range. I've read "B" stories and watched "B" movies that I absolutely love..Just because a piece of art doesn't get a perfect score doesn't mean that it's a work that the audience can't find appealing, resonating, or a little moving. (Don't get me wrong, I've definitely written "A" stories, but I just wanted to wing this and really allow the reader to grasp on to the emotion of the speaker. So even if it got a B/B+, I still think this is a piece that receives an "A" for audience adoration..even if there are people who didn't like it, I hope anyone who reads it sees why there are others who really do love it (which surprised me too!)
For this to become A-worthy, there needs much more definition.
When it comes to these types of pieces, you must define, define, define!! Even though the scene isn't particularly well defined, I think the emotion in this monologue is truly defined. So even if you watch a "B" movie, or listen to a "B" song, or read a "B" book, if the emotion is defined, you're guaranteed a spot in at least one of your audience member's list of artistic favorites. Make sense??
So I'm splitting this up in sections- I could really, really, really go for it though, and analyze each and every word, but I'm not going to. I don't wanna give too much away because A. It's not anyone's business and it can get very personal, B. It would take too long for a blog post, and C. I want you to have fun with it and use your imagination!!!!
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This is my introduction....
It’s not the first time I’ve been down this road.
Physically and figuratively.
I’m currently driving down 95,
which I venture across quite frequently to get to and from NoVa-
Oh NoVa, where do I begin?
And in the intro, I wanted the reader to grasp the speaker's familiarity with Northern Virginia, offering a bit of definition to his surroundings - really giving the idea that he's been away for a while, but he's coming back home. There's a breath of nostalgia in his emotion, but I didn't want it to lead into the realm of sentimentality. He's saying this because this is really what he's doing: going home, seeing his family, brotherly friends, and, of course, the one person who is friends with all of his friends, the one person he thinks about everyday, and the one person...
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And, in the proverbial sense,
I’ve breezed down this road to see my --
don’t really know what to call it, but a friend I guess...
..he knows so well, but doesn't know anymore. Never having a real relationship, it's difficult for him to gage where he stands with her. He's confused why there is such a connection between himself and her, when there was no real relationship, and can only refer to her as a "friend I guess..." Understandable.
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She annoys the fuck outta me, she’s spoiled as shit, crazy as a god damn rat, bat,
and mother fucking banshee,
yet I can’t seem to pull away.
It’s like, her insanity intrigues me.
This is where he starts to get 'endearing.' (Fun Fact: I thought of the title after I wrote the piece, I thought it was pretty on point...) Anyway, I wanted to give off the vibe that he is truly from Mars, and his lady-love is from Venus. An alien specimen that he doesn't understand, because she's such a lady and he's such a man. She really isn't insane, or even that crazy, but he sees her that way because he's a caveman and doesn't understand girls, even though he loves and does, I believe, respect them. He doesn't understand why she likes clothes, why she likes getting her nails done, etc. and this is why she's 'crazy.' She's like a mystical creature to him...And that's why her 'insanity,' or being a normal girl, 'intrigues' him. It's ironic though, because, in a way, he does understand her and he makes more of an effort for her, yet he doesn't understand 'girls' in general - adding to his sense of confusion.
Okay- I’ll admit, she doesn’t really know I’m coming to see her specifically, but this is the game we play.
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I love her.
I thought this was the icing on the 'endearing' cake. He thinks she's so 'crazy' and he's surprised why he loves her sososoo much.
I wanted this statement to feel like a brilliant discovery - He is so bewildered why he loves her so much, even though it's natural to feel that way - He thinks he's so amazing for loving her(which he is!), but I thought it was pretty funny. I wanted it to almost sound like he's doing her a favor by loving her...not in a condescending way though!! But in an...endearing..one.
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I love her more than any girl I’ve ever known and I’ll continue to love her until the day I die.
And if I ever tell her,
she’ll look me dead in the eye,
articulating one of her signature phrases,
“You’re such a fucking idiot- get the hell away from me.”
In some ways, I wanted his 'endearing' nature to be a bit of comic relief - for the sadness he has felt for her and the sadness she's experienced. But he knows she's strong, and I wanted it to sound like there's a part of his brain that knows they'll be together one day, she just needs to figure herself out. And he loves her so much, he'll be patient and let her do that - so they can come back in the end. If he wants to be in it with her, he wants it to be perfect. He knows that day will come, but he's willing to wait no matter how sad it makes him.
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Professing love to a girl like her is like selling your soul to the fucking devil.
It gives her power -
a magnitude of power that she can and will use to her advantage.
Guys don’t even realize she’s making them fall in love with her, one poor heart at a time.
(Literally, I’ve seen her turn men into crying little b*tches.)
I know what she’s like, so I don’t give her an inch.
This part is really open to interpretation, but I wanted it to sound as though she does not do this, and is actually a cool lady. He just sees it that way because he thinks she's so awesome. I wanted it to sound like something any guy in a relationship would say about his girlfriend - or something any guy or person who is infatuated with someone else would say... (I was worried when I published it that people would think that I wrote this part as a truth about myself..but,no, I may have a bit of an ego *which we all have*, but I'm not that cocky. I feel like this is something a guy would say about a girl he's infatuated with...again, more endearing, comic relief.)
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Funnily enough,
I think that’s why she loves me too.
People judge her.
She's not afraid to put him in his place, so why shouldn't he?? But I wanted it to sound like he's a little worried about her, and tell hers the truth, and doesn't always tell her what she wants to hear, because he cares about her and wants the best for her - even if it hurts.
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They don’t know about her difficult past,
they don’t know why she is the way she is,
and they certainly don’t know why she’s such a depressed fucking dumbass.
Again, this is concern...Also, I don't feel comfortable going into detail about this, so I'll make this description a little short..but I think it's another aspect of a relationship people can relate to. He sees her sadness, and how it destroys her - and him. Basically, he's telling her to get over it and move on, because her past will never change..and he thinks she plays the victim sometimes, which she does. But he gets why she can't help it - because she thinks the universe, in some ways, has victimized her- which he knows it has, but he doesn't want her to play the victim when she doesn't need to(and rightly so.)
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The only reason I call her a dumbass is because,
in too many ways,
she’s so fucking stupid.
Concerned for her self-destructive behavior....
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She’s beautiful,
smart as shit,
and almost too fucking talented -
to a point where she blows my mind and everyone else’s for that matter,
yet she’s been so unhappy,
Because he can see the bad in her, he also sees the best in her - he just wishes that she saw the best in herself too.
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drinks too much(or used to, she’s pretty good now, from what I hear..),
spends way too much money on clothes,
and she’s slightly socially awkward- completely oblivious to the things she says.
I don’t judge her though,
Again, sees her self-destruct, but feels helpless - the only thing he can do is tell her what he thinks with a hope that she'll listen.
**Also, with the line "she spends way too much money on clothes" I wanted it to be a little more comic relief, and tie in with the vibe that he still sees her as some mystical foreign creature - even though all girls have a secret shopping problem - he just doesn't get it because he's a dude.
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and I don't enable her,
I merely understand her-
she doesn’t even know I do but,
trust me,
I know how her twisted little mind works.
I know what’s she’s gonna say before she says it,
and I know what will trigger her anger,
excitement,
and, unfortunately, her mouth that won’t shut the hell up.
Ever.
H can read her mind, and she can read his- it's crazy. He knows what she thinks, showing the deep, intricate connection that they have...
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She talks so fucking much -
to the point where I’ve contemplated taking my dirty socks off and sticking them down her annoying little throat.
As much as I hate to say it,
she’s like a little misbehaved puppy who needs training,
discipline,
and a guy who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated when she’s good and,
especially,
when she’s bad.
Some more endearing stuff tied into some heavy stuff - I'll leave this for you to judge :) How do you interpret it? Of course, I have my own, but I'll leave this to your imagination.
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She’s really not what you’d call girlfriend material,
and she’s certainly no Little Bo Peep,
but she’s the shit and I fucking love her.
So I wanted to conclude with a sign off that displays his endearing nature and his infatuation with her.
With the line "she's the shit and I fucking love her," I really felt as though it was another notion we could all relate to. What guy wouldn't say that about the girl he loves??!
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Well, here’s my exit...
Bye bye!
I love this last line - I think it gives readers a lot to think about.
Isn't it interesting how he's 'exiting' to 'enter' somewhere - isn't that what exits are though?? Entrances to somewhere else??
So I'm hoping this post gives people a little more understanding of where I was coming from when I wrote "The Endearing Mindset of an Infatuated Maniac." I wanted to leave it open to interpretation, and I would love to hear thoughts on your own perspectives of this piece!! Don't be shy!! :)
P.S. I'm sorry for the typos - if there are any - but I have no time to proofread!! In a rush for the little play I'm in ..matinee at 2. Wish me luck!
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