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| "What Are Little Boys Made Of?" (c. 1820, Traditional English Nursery Rhyme) What are little boys made of? What are little boys made of? [Snips] and snails and puppy dogs' tails, That's what little boys are made of. What are little girls made of? What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice, And everything nice, That's what little girls are made of. |
“Interview With A Brunch Therapist”
I conducted this interview out of the blue yesterday with a friend of mine after having a few beers. I really needed someone to talk to after an embarrassing moment I had regarding disclosed info that wasn't entirely true (it really isn't that embarrassing from an outsider's perspective, and my pal thought I was overreacting, but I'm still not ready to tell anyone...Sorry I'm so silly). So he took me out to brunch, and he gave me the most eye opening advice about guys. You see, I have very little experience in relationships and what not, but I thought much of what he was saying was really insightful. So, I had the bright idea to just do a simple interview with him because I really think that many of my female readers, or my readers in general, could learn a thing or two from him like I did. He's 30-years-old, so he definitely has more relationship experience than I do, but what better way to understand what dudes want/don't want from women than from an actual guy who knows what he's talking about?!
Well, here it is! Enjoy :)
(**I'd love positive, constructive feedback from both my male and female readers. I wanna hear your thoughts!! Also, there was so much I excluded in this post from my actual 'interview' with him, so I may publish a Part II! We'll see. It got a little too, to put it simply, risqué for a blog post.***)
Why did you ask to remain anonymous, R--(kidding!!)? I'm just gonna refer to you as my 'Brunch Therapist'...
Because you asked me to be as honest as possible, and it would probably ruin some of my chances with potential girlfriends. I’m really gonna be as honest as possible with you, and if any sane woman read what I’m telling you with my name attached, she would probably go a little Lorena Bobbitt on me, and that’s the honest truth. So many girls just don’t understand what men really think about them, and I think a lot of it is because they unconsciously don’t want to know, and for good reason.
Well that’s comforting... But I’ll start by asking you this: What is your type of woman?
It’s obviously different from guy to guy, but before I was a construction worker, I was a mechanic. The sexiest girls to me are the ones who can bait a fishing hook, get their nails dirty, and change their own oil.
Um, okay...
One of my ex-boyfriends was a mechanic, and my, as you diagnosed me, ‘classic princess syndrome’ wasn’t really the cause of our split, as many would probably think. Great guy, and it was awesome because we never tried to change each other and he’ll always be a great pal, but we would just never work. (Trust me, I’m a handful, so since I wouldn’t want or ever allow anyone to change me, I could never try and change the core of another person.)
How do you feel about women who try and “change” their men in a romantic relationship?
First rule: Never, and I mean never, try and change a dude. Eloise, the thing you gotta understand about guys is that they have something called an ego. Everything we do revolves around that. A woman who tries to change us is insulting our male ego -- our male pride. That is something that is inherently, whether you wanna believe it or not, I know I definitely do, in the male DNA. We instinctively feel a need to take care of and provide for the people we love. This isn’t a political issue, and whether you’re a liberal or conservative man, there is that instinctive need. Women who try to “change” us are basically questioning an aspect about ourselves that we feel should never be questioned. It all goes back to our male ego and pride, I’m telling you.
Okay, got it. So, say you haven’t seen that side of your girl yet, and I know I already asked you about the type of girl you like, but I’m curious to understand what would make you really have feelings for someone. How do you, as a dude, catch feelings for a girl after you decide that she’s your “type”, if she even is at all? Because, let’s be real, many people have a “type,” but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re compatible with people who fall into that category. So, basically, how do you really start to like a girl and develop feelings?
Sex.
It all comes back to sex. I will not like a girl, or having feelings for her, if she refuses to have sex with me. Look, I love and admire women, and I would never, ever pressure a girl, but guys need sex. If she doesn’t want to, which is perfectly fine, then she’s automatically friend-zoned. Sex makes guys feel good about ourselves and we’re just wired to want it. That’s why we could only ever be friends, Eloise, because you won’t, you know...
Um, ew, no thanks.
I’m joking. Maybe...
Okay, gross.
So sex is really that important when it comes to a guy having feelings for a girl?
I mean, it’s definitely a huge part of it. I usually only catch feelings after I have sex with a girl. Girls catch feelings within the first second of meeting guys sometimes I feel like.
So you don’t have feelings before sex?
I’ll certainly have interest, but that interest stems from my desire to wanna sleep with that girl. It really all comes back to sex. For guys to have ‘interest’ initially in a girl, it’s more often than not about sex, and wanting to have sex with a certain girl. That’s how I really believe most of us become interested. Then, for guys to catch feelings, it’s about sex also. It’s a huge deciding factor about whether or not I’d wanna have a real relationship with a girl. In my idea of how relationships start for me, the first step is my interest stemming from wanting to have sex with a girl, the second step, which is huge, is whether or not she’ll actually have sex with me. After sex is when I catch the real feelings.
Okay, that’s a pretty simple way of viewing the start of a relationship. I never really understood how important sex is to most guys.
Eloise, I can’t tell you enough how much we love sex. It’s all guys live for. We love it. We always want it. And when I say always, I really mean always. Maybe a lot of it has to do with our male pride and ego that I told you about, but that’s just how most men feel and we really cannot change that.
So it’s really instinctive to you?
Men are very simple instinctive creatures. I know women are pretty instinctive as well, but their instincts are just completely different. Yes, I probably always want sex because I’m a guy and that’s how I’m wired, but there are also so many other things that come to me instinctively as well because I’m a guy, especially in my view of girls. It comes down to the male ego, which I really think is just a part of every man’s DNA.
All right. I’m just trying to understand what you mean. We were just talking about the fact that the desire to have sex comes so instinctively to men, and now you’re leading the conversation into male instincts in general? Is that it?
Yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that the male ego, and the male sense of pride, isn’t just a psychological phenomenon, but an inherent part of most men’s DNA that isn’t just shaped by society. It’s how a lot of men feel that they are born. For me, I know I was born that way. So, we have this part of our DNA, and then that affects what we want to do instinctively, like wanting to have sex, then it will shape our psyche and ego.
Okay, okay... So, what other male instincts do you have, besides just wanting sex, that shape your view of women?
I’m not gonna lie, and I know we already kinda talked about this, but I wanna get married and have kids one day. I know feminist women will go crazy when I say this, but it’s very important to me that I’m the provider of that family. I would not want my wife to work if she didn’t have to, only if she wanted to. I really believe a man, especially a man who is in love with a girl, instinctively just wants to take care of her and provide for her. I am not saying, by any means, that I would stop her from working if she wanted to, and I would support her no matter what, but I believe men who are in love with someone, whether they’re straight or not -- my cousin, who completely rocks, is a gay married man, and I definitely believe this about him -- instinctively want to protect and take care of the one they love. It is very important to me that I’m able to provide for a family one day, especially for my wife -- she comes first, and I'll provide for her in any way I can. It's not just about providing material things, but [ensuring] her happiness, comfort, and whatever she wants is taken care of. I can’t tell you how much of a turn on it is when a girl you love really appreciates that. I’m not saying I’d want her to submit to me, but I want her to know that her happiness is my happiness, and I would do anything to take care of and provide for her. Anything.
Okay, well, that was kind of sweet. I consider myself a feminist in so many ways, so I’m always questioning and criticizing what seem like old-fashioned values between men and women. I strive for independence, and I never want to feel like I have to depend on someone for my livelihood. I believe, in this day and age, a girl can do whatever she wants and does not have to fully submit to her boyfriend/husband. Women have the tools now to be whoever they want, and I don’t agree with men who attempt to hold them back from that.
What, as a dude, do you really think about feminist women?
I would never hold a woman back from doing what she wanted. Men love strong women. That said, I don’t think that it’s okay for women to believe that it’s wrong for a guy to want to provide for the family. That’s a great quality in any man -- any sane guy would agree with me. I also don’t think it’s cool when these feminists criticize men for being a little more protective and more desirous of taking care of women.
These feminists..? It’s 2014, you can’t just refer to empowered, feminist women as ‘these feminists’...hahah.
You know what I mean. If you had a son, you wouldn’t stifle those instincts in him would you? I’m telling you it’s in our DNA..
Um, okay.
But, now that I think about it, yeah, I would never want to change my son if he genuinely had those, as you refer to them, instinctive tendencies. I would never stifle those instincts in anybody, because it’s a noble desire to wanna take care of those you love. Whether or not you’re male or female isn’t really the issue for me, and aside from our varying instincts which I really also believe depend on gender, I just think that there’s a definite need for people to accept the fact that a woman is equally as powerful as a man. And equally as capable. What is your view on gender equality?
I believe in gender equality, but I don’t believe that men and women are the same instinctively. I really feel like this new wave of feminism is really attacking those instincts in men, when that’s what, I really believe, makes men, well, men. So if I was dating a girl, yeah, it would definitely be a turn off if she wasn’t accepting of who I am as a man -- I think most guys would say the same. I would accept and respect her fully, as a real man would, but I want her to respect where I stand to. So, yeah, I believe in gender equality in the workplace, but especially in relationships. If I want her to respect where I stand, I need to respect where she stands.
Is that why you’re not letting me pay for any of our beers?
Absolutely!!
No, I’m joking, but, again, guys paying for stuff stems back to our male pride/ego/DNA that. I love treating my girls.
Okay, okay, a little conservative for me, but I get it, I get it!
And I'm the one who wanted an honest interview so girls like me could truly understand what guys really think about us. More honesty on your part means more eye-opening realizations for my female readers, and, of course, more healthy relationships, less female anxiety, and a little more comfort for girls of my generation (for the ones who read my blog, at least).
So now I wanna know: what do you like most about women?
What do you think?
Elaborate...
Like I said, we like providing things, pleasure being one of them. Strokes our ego a little too when we know we’ve provided that physical pleasure to a woman. There’s one part of the body that they experience that the most in, literally. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, what’s not to like about the vagina? It’s beautiful, moist, and warm. When you like a girl, like really really like her, it smells like fucking roses. I love it. I love the vagina. I love making love to a woman, and it feels so fucking good when you really have feelings. It’s just beautiful, man.
Okay, that well that was quite a statement.
So, as my final question, what honest relationship advice would you give to girls my age, about how they should deal with guys, and especially how they should handle relationships? I know you’re 30, but you remember what it’s like to be 23ish (like me), don’t you?
A girl should always know that if a guy has feelings, he will make it work. Men are doers. We’ll make it happen. If it’s not happening, don’t stress over it. Also, I know I talked about how much dudes love sex, but never do anything with someone if you’re not comfortable. The girl has the power when it comes down to that, and, a lot of times, we respect girls who respect themselves. Just don’t tease us. Please don’t tease us. Hm, what else? Oh, don’t ever let douchers make you feel bad or embarrassed just because they can. When I was 24, I would talk so much shit about girls, and it always comes back to you. I felt like I hated them, but now I think there was just a part of myself that I hated. Remember, a guy who doesn’t respect girls doesn’t respect himself. Girls are fucking rad, son, and any guy who can’t respect them is not real a man yet. I’ve been there, but true respect for women is a sign of a real man. Relationships can be really hard, too -- men and women are capable of loving and hating each other at the same time. But no girls deserves a guy who's gonna hurt her for no reason, so don't put up with it! I was one of those guys at your age, and we're not worth it .... yet. And for guys your age about girls, just understand that you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Girls rock, even though they're all a little crazy at times, they mean well. You'll understand when you're older. They're the best thing that's ever been given to us, so learn to respect all women, no matter how annoying they can be. And, trust me, I know that they can be very hard to handle, but learn to love 'em -- they deserve it.
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Thanks for reading!! Again, I would love feedback because I think we could all gain something from this interview!
Don't be shy!!! :D
