Girl Vs. Girl: Why Are We So Mean to Each Other?

I’m really not uncovering new ground by discussing the topic of female cattiness, but it is definitely an issue worthy of consistent scrutiny (especially if we ever want to see it abolished). Every girl, in some way, has experienced undeserving, hurtful criticism from another girl, often resulting in further warfare that will most likely never reach a mutual resolution. This dynamic is not only puzzling, it is thoroughly disturbing. Aside from the hurt feelings and emotional pain that consequently arise, deeper problems may emerge such as depression, an eating disorder, or even severe anxiety.  Often times, the unsettling reality of this type of situation is brushed under the rug, dissuading girls from seeking help or standing up for themselves when other girls (or boys for that matter) intentionally humiliate, discredit, or underestimate them. 

The only way we can overcome this unhealthy type of relationship is by acknowledging that it actually exists. I would be lying if I said I’ve never talked about a girl behind her back (every girl is guilty of this and nobody is perfect). However, I do make a conscious effort to absolutely never judge a book by its cover. No matter how rich, pretty, smart, or popular a girl may seem, for example, you never know the private, personal struggles she may have had to endure through childhood, adolescence, or even adulthood. Just because a girl may seem to “have it all” does not provide an excuse for blatantly or hurtfully insulting her, especially if she has never seriously, seriously offended you. To me, this type of criticism is absolutely disgusting because you never know how the victim may react, sometimes resulting in a damaged self esteem and a clearly depleted sense of self worth.

Anyway, even though I definitely have my fair share of insecurities (just like most girls), I certainly try not to let this be the cause for my resentment of another girl. Believe it or not, when you gossip or talk shit about a girl, it is more insulting to yourself than the female you are attempting to insult. It is a clear admission that you believe you’re “not good enough” and if another lady is seemingly “better off,” you acquire a self esteem boost by putting her down. It is embarrassing, immature, and ignorant behavior. Think of times someone else has hurt you, and ask yourself why you would go to such malicious lengths to see that girl unhappy. If you don’t want people to treat you that way, which I’m sure you don’t, then by no means are you authorized to treat other girls like that.

So, to answer my question regarding female hostility, I really can’t come to a specific conclusion about why we are so mean to each other. When a girl insults another girl for no apparent reason, it is just too ridiculous and petty of a behavior to excuse, or even defend. I know that I will never see the end to this cycle of defamation, and I’m lucky that I have developed an incredibly thick skin (even though I still have my moments of pure insecurity- like everyone), but some girls have yet to grow into their hardened up hides, so please be careful about the words you ascribe or attach to some girls because you never know how much it could really kill.

Photo Cred:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSJpanvbJniaC8KCcrUgaC2wp6j70HJD3PQEZPF4V8YBfj6QfO5m5bev9Pg0A7z3jx6Jg2QYbXpgiYQ4ZFUrzJh6IXFt2hIiS5FAch0uR5sxtn695J444ubCS0AGf0XVAv98XeeNqa3jj6/s320/girls_whispering.jpg

Madonna, Jackie-O, J.Lo, Eloise Banting: What Do All These Ladies Have in Common?

"Portrait of a Lion" by Lucie Bilodeau

To start, all of our birthdays fall between July 23 and August 22. Meaning, we all share the Leo astrological sign, represented by the lion. I know my avid intrigue with astrology may seem a little silly, but I have reason to believe that it is, in fact, true. First of all, why am I exactly like the Leo character, with grossly-thick brown hair comparable to a lion’s mane? I really don’t believe that it is just a simple coincidence...

Leo people are characterized as warm-hearted, generous individuals who are able to make clear, unique names for themselves. Specifically, people know who a leo is from the moment he/she walks through the door. They are often able to acquire a ‘fan-base’ of sorts, yet, despite this, they value very close friends more than a large grouping of unfamiliar ones. A Leo lady, for example, is more likely to have extremely close friends with a countless number of acquaintances. They are very independent creatures with a creative streak. We love the arts and producing work that will gain a loving audience. (This might explain why I’m drawn to the theater or why I have done work for my school newspaper, or why I’ve even chosen to create a blog...Just some food for thought...) Anyway, a Leo definitely has a very distinct personality, with strong ambition and a need to make it big.

Along with these traits, they carry themselves with dignity and believe in understanding all sides of an argument. In addition, we are very loyal individuals and always there for a friend (or anyone) in need. Even though we have some awesome qualities, like every other astrological sign, we still have our pitfalls. Since we have such a desire to be appreciated, we may go to any lengths to gain such loving attention. There comes a point when every Leo needs to realize that such a need to be loved can become too much. In some ways, we are the “attention-whores” of the zodiac. We can also spoil ourselves a little too much because we love the best in life and we want the best in life. Even though we can work very, very hard toward a goal or objective we really care about, we’ll get lazy toward issues that we think are beneath us. Maybe  that explains why my room is so messy 24/7, am I just above cleaning it? Who knows...

A Leo character is also someone you don’t mess with. As loving and lighthearted as we can be, we have an enormous sense of pride about everything we do. We do not take criticism well, especially since we put so much effort into work we really care about. In some ways, we are perfectionists- not as bad as a Virgo, but a Leo definitely strives for excellence and does not appreciate anyone who belittles or degrades their work. So please don’t critique a Leo unless you wanna feel the pain of their big-kitty claws. We need to be the best at what we do--so we really don’t like it when someone questions our work-- because, after all, who questions the best?

We can become a little bit arrogant at times, but we really make up for it with our love of life, laughter, and a good time. We love making everyone around us happy and will do our very best to make anyone feel at home. A Leo is the quintessential friend, and you will never, ever feel alone within the King (or Queen!) of the Jungle’s domain.

Getting the Girl of Your Dreams: Do You Have What it Takes?

As a female specimen who has grown up in a house full of girls (from elementary to high school, at least), who has close girlfriends, and a keen eye for what girls look for, I definitely know what it takes for guys to get the girl of their dreams. It really isn’t rocket science, so I would like to extend my hand to all of the boys out there who really don’t have a clue when it comes to the opposite sex. Much of what we look for in a guy is very similar to what you look for in a girl--with a few minor differences, of course. 

"Adam and Eve" by Hendrik Goltzius

       Specifically, everyone wants to be with someone who is pretty well rounded with good looks and the wit to back it up. The difference is, especially at first, girls like a talker more than a looker, whereas a boy will notice a girl’s boobs or behind before her brain or character. I am not saying that all guys are shallow, this is just how it works. So, when courting a girl who sparks your interest, show her that you have a sense of humor. Honestly, if you can make a girl laugh (genuinely, genuinely laugh), even if you’re not the best looking guy at the bar, she will remember you. We really don’t value looks as much as you think. Of course, if you’re a hottie, it’s just icing on the cake, but personality is key with girls. You must be careful not to try too hard with this though. It’s such a turn off when guys try to be funny, and it can definitely become borderline obnoxious. Just be comfortable, don’t slouch, and if you make your girl laugh--good for you--if not, don’t beat yourself up over it either. 

Okay, so the next one is pretty much a given- a confident guy is always such a turn on. Guys love confident girls, and we love confident guys-it just goes hand in hand. Don’t ever be afraid to approach a girl you wanna get to know, she will take this as a huge compliment. If, however, she’s clearly not interested, just get over it and move on. Please, please, please do not annoy her. If she has made it clear to you that she wants to be with her friends, let her be with her friends. If she’s made it clear to you she would rather hit on the bartender, let her hit on the bartender. Don’t smother her with texts or your ‘loving’ affections if she’s obviously not interested. It is such a turn off when a guy keeps pestering a girl when she is clearly not about it. It will push her away. A guy who does this is not confident, he just needs the approval of a girl to validate himself. You are better than that, and you want a girl who will reciprocate the same feelings. 

Okay so this is where it gets a little confusing. Girls love to play games--sometimes, she’ll just act uninterested to determine now interested you really are, even if she has feelings for you. Do NOT feed into this. It is an unhealthy behavior and girls who act this way are always bad news. Back away slowly.

On the other side of this, boys love to play games too. Please do not be one of them. It is an incredible turn off when guys start acting as catty as the ladies. Don’t try and make her jealous, and please don’t try and show her how manly you are by all the other girls who “want you.” This will really anger her and she’ll bite back in a way that you never wanna be bitten. If you try and make her jealous by spending time with another girl--go for it. Just know that the girl you actually like will be making every effort to get over you and you will end up with a girl you didn’t even want in the first place. At that point, your main squeeze will be long gone. Every girl deserves better than that, so make sure you show her respect. Boys who are blatantly disrespectful to girls are so frustrating, it is a definite sign of immaturity. Grow out of it.

Despite this, everyone knows the old adage of “Girls wanting what they can’t have,” and, to a certain degree, this will always hold true. We love mystery and knowing there is a part of your persona that is virtually unattainable. However, you can still be mysterious without provoking anger from a girl- or by making her want to rip her hair out and shove it up your you-know-what. Seriously though, it is okay to harmlessly flirt or talk to other girls, and a secure girl would not be upset about this. Especially if she knows you will always go back to her. In other words, loyalty is one of the biggest attributes we really value in guys, and if you prove this to her then she knows you’re a keeper.

Another trait we really love is generosity. Be giving of yourself and she will absolutely go weak in the knees. This does not mean you need to have money to be generous. You just need to show her that you want to make her happy, and that you’ll walk across mountains and swim through pirana-infested waters for her. Nobody said it better than Patti Stanger on the Millionaire Matchmaker Reunion show: “Chivalry is not dead.” Be courteous, respectful, and honorable toward women, and you will find that “special someone” sooner than you think. Personally, I love it when a guy takes me out to dinner and treats me like a princess after I’ve spent the time and money to get ready for him. I’m not saying it always works out, but it definitely shows character on the guy’s part. Just show a girl how much you appreciate her, and she’ll show how much she appreciates you.

Okay, so the following is a very, very important characteristic all women look for: good-grooming. If a boy looks like a before picture on a slimfast ad, we’ll run. If a boy smells like a dumpster, we’ll gag, throw up in our mouths a little bit--and then, of course, run. It is an indescribable turn off when a guy doesn’t care about something he could easily fix. Always take showers, apply deodorant, brush your teeth, and wear clean, presentable clothes that actually fit.  I once sat next to a guy in a philosophy class and he smelled like rotting cabbage mixed with a dose of expired salsa. On top of it, he always had spaghetti sauce droplets and coffee stains scattered on his shirts. And, on top of that, he would always attempt to make conversation with me. Turned out to be a very bad idea, because anyone who knows me well knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I have absolutely have zero filter sometimes, especially when it comes to issues that really bother me. So, as the person I am, after more than a few class periods of this torture, I didn’t even realize I muttered the words “You smell so bad” to him one day in a nonchalant, thoughtlessly careless voice.  In addition, my voice tends to carry, so everyone in our 17-person class heard me and stared me down for a good 20 seconds after I made the statement. Possibly one of the top five most awkward moments of my life. Needless to say, we never sat next to each other again for the rest of the semester. Please don’t let this happen to you and, for your sake as well as mine, take care of yourself.

So, when it comes down to it, girls want a humorous-confident-respectful-mysterious-chivalrously-clean-dependable guy (for the most part at least). I may have left some specifics out, but, if you can cultivate these characteristics, you will find a girl that you are compatible with. It may take some soul searching, but you’ll get there someday. Believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place. :)

Photo Cred:

http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/artists/recently-added/july2008/big/Adam-and-Eve-1608-xx-Hendrik-Goltzius.JPG

How to Get the Valentine You Want, Ladies: Simply Just a Dating Game?

Out of all my 21 years on this planet, I still haven’t been able to get this dating thing down. I’ve never been in a real relationship (as I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post) and I’ve certainly never been seriously committed to anyone. Ironically, I am sometimes the ‘go-to-relationship-advice’ girl for friends, so I definitely know a thing or two about this playful courting sport. I’ve witnessed severe heartbreaks and pure moments of potential-marriage bliss. I’m just a great observer, that’s all. I see what my friends and sisters go through, and I learn from it. Some of you may be thinking: How can she give relationship advice when’s she’s never been in an authentic one herself? 

"Romeo and Juliet" by Frank Dicksee

Well, let me tell you in a way you might understand. If you’ve ever seen the Dog Whisperer, the host of the show, Cesar Milan, has such a powerful way with dogs because he studies, interacts, and comprehends their behavior. Similarly, I share a knack for knowing what guys like (and certainly what they don’t!) simply because I’ve witnessed, interacted, and studied the species fairly well. I am not saying, by any means, that I’m that perfect girl who gets whatever guy she wants. On the contrary, sometimes I need advice just as badly as the next girl, but I am confident in the advice that I give to my girlfriends, especially when it comes to getting the guy they want. Believe it or not, it’s true. So let me begin...

When it comes to getting your perfect Valentine confidence is key. At the end of the day if you doubt yourself, guys will doubt you too. They do not care about the new pair of Seven jeans you just bought or the cute top from Urban Outfitters you wanna rock the next day. Believe me, this is how their caveman brain works: I see Girl--Girl look good--I want Girl. Then they’ll go in for the bait. It’s as simple as that. What really turns them off is when you start talking too much about what you ate that day or how ‘fat’ you feel. They couldn’t give two shits and nothing screams “crazy-girl-alert” more. Be confident in your own skin and guys will really respect that, trust me. Be very careful not to tread into the boundary of over-confidence, boys will read that and it is an incredible turn off. Approach these situations with a “humble-confidence,” if that makes any sense, and be modest yet assertive. Let them know you have standards while allowing yourself room to be open to new people. 

Also, please respect yourself and know that you do not need the emotional or physical attention of a boy to cement your self worth. No boy wants a girl with a reputation, so be secure enough with yourself to let go of boys who are merely using you. The smart, funny, cute guy you want will see that self-confident quality and will really, really respect that.

Boys love a girl who is not afraid to be herself. If you’re a quiet and shy girl, don’t be embarrassed to be, well, quiet and shy. Same goes for smart girls, don’t be shy about showing off your intellect. Fakes are so easily spotted, and you do not want to be one of them. I think we’ve all seen intelligent girls act dumb, for example, to get the guy they want and there is nothing more aggravating than a smarty pants wearing a ditzy cap. If you are, however, genuinely idiotic, then you’re gonna need more help than I can offer because I don’t know any girl who can’t be somewhat smart without a little effort. If you’re willing to get dressed up, put makeup on, and walk out the door to meet people, you’ve already proven that you can make the effort to open up Time magazine for five minutes and read a little bit about the upcoming presidential election.

Another trait guys can’t resist is independence.  There are some guys, however, who still live in the 1930’s doubting all of the great qualities women have to offer. These men simply aren’t worth it. You do not need someone telling you that the only way you’ll survive in this world is by the holding the hand of a man. It’s 2012 now--and girls have come a very long way. Most boys, I’ve noticed, will really admire you for wanting to make a name for yourself on your own terms. On top of that, gold diggers are such turn offs and nobody wants, or respects, a stingy moocher. Why would a guy want you if you’re only after him for his money? This is what gives girls a bad name simultaneously turning boys into commitment-phobes. Don’t use anyone, male or female, for anything and you’ll go farther in life than you think, trust me. 

Guys also love an independent girl because they know she will never be one of those ‘Clingy-Cassie’s.’ Admittedly, I’ve had my drunken moments of desperation. As embarrassing as they are, you must learn from them before they become habitual. During these situations, guys don’t see a drunk girl, they don’t see a sober one, they see a desperate one. There are no excuses and please, please, please try to avoid drunk texting, drunk dialing, and drunk talking at all costs. You will regret it. Just be strong enough to walk away from the situation before it all goes down hill. 

Alright, last but certainly not least, always be sexy. (I know this may sound a little cheesy but please bear with me.) A girl can be sexy on so many different levels, not just on appearance alone. I would say sexiness is a mixture between a chosen outfit and a classy, unique personality. Please notice how I place emphasis on appearance, because it is important. I’ll be brutally honest, a guy won’t notice you if you don’t care about yourself enough to be noticed. Specifically, if you look like you just rolled out of bed, he’ll think “slob.” (I certainly don’t mean to sound hypocritical because I’m a fairly messy, disorganized person myself, but I do try and dress like I have the cleanest room in Harrisonburg.) Anyway, on the other hand, if you wear a skin tight dress with holes and rips in it, he’ll probably  wonder how much you charge. I am not saying that you need to spend thousands on a wardrobe, there are great bargains everywhere, you just need to be aware of the way you present yourself. The clothes you wear, whether you like it or not, are a representation of who you are, and most guys go for the girl who shows herself off in a classy, respectful way. If you need help with style or wardrobe, just look at some of your favorite celebrities for aid. For me, I absolutely love Lauren Conrad’s and Halle Berry’s (random, I know) choice of clothing. I feel like they never go wrong and I have rarely seen them wear an unappealing outfit. 

Okay, so I’ve told you all of my secrets. Remember, be a confidently-authentic-sexy-self-respecting-independent-sober girl and you will have boys kissing the ground you walk on. This is so much easier than it sounds. It isn’t as though you need to ‘purchase’ or ‘lease’ these traits, you already have them, even if they’ve become temporarily dormant. Now it’s up to you. There is always that X-factor that I do not have the power to reveal to you in a simple blog post. That is something you have to figure out on your own and you will discover it soon enough. This ‘factor’ is always what makes a girl stand out from the crowd and every girl I know has it, they’re just too afraid to look. 

So, on that final note, have a Happy, Happy Valentine’s Day and go find your perfect guy!!

Photo Cred:

http://www.paintinghere.com/uploadpic/Frank%20Dicksee/big/Romeo%20and%20Juliet.jpg