A Dating Mantra: Where Are Your Priorities?

Queen Elizabeth I!
She always put herself first!!
Certainly my type of lady...

I haven’t produced a dating post in quite some time, and I honestly feel as though it’s because I have to truly feel as though I’m taking the advice I offer in each little-love-write-up. I’ll admit, the only reason I’m good at giving such insightful dating guidance is because I mess up in relationships, I learn from them the hard way, and then I share my wisdom with all of you. 

This will be the last part of my introduction, and I’ll get to my recently discovered observations in a bit, but what every individual - girl or boy - needs to understand before trying to date someone seriously is that you must, must, must have your shit in a sock before attempting to have a relationship with anyone else. Being in love will not fix your problems, only you can do that. For me, I guess I was in a stupid rut since graduation which affected me very negatively in my love life, prohibiting me from producing some of my signature dating advice posts(many of which my blog is known for!). Regardless, focusing on negativity will only produce more negativity - and it’s annoying for everyone. So throw your baggage away! No excuses! That’s why I’m dedicating this blog post to my fellow females, hoping to guide them toward developing the right qualities to attract the right guy! Now let me begin...

Alright, so I take Yoga and Pilates to give me a sense of calm in my hectic life (I’m a full time student and Personal Shopper!!) and during one of my sessions, I had quite the epiphany. As I sat there clearing my busy mind, I just felt as though I truly didn’t give a shit, but in the best way possible. You see, I felt pure tranquility, and I thought to myself, why can’t I transfer this sense of relaxation toward my love life, like I used to? Seriously. Throughout most of my college career, especially after Freshman year, I just didn’t care to chase after boys, I’d let them come to me. Comparatively, my level of control in dating was probably a 98% back then, now it’s a rough 87%. Not cool. 

So, I’m telling you, especially if you’re a girl, don’t be the chaser in a relationship. It’s not natural. If you find that you are becoming the “chaser,” ask yourself: Why do I want my prey so badly? If you think about it, you probably don’t. It may just be that you feel rejected, insecure, or anxious, and you’re actively seeking someone you don’t even really like that much to help alleviate your feelings of self-doubt. Like I said before, it’s so important that you throw your baggage away before getting into the dating game, because it will cloud your judgment when it comes to matters of the heart. You just don’t wanna deal with your own issues, and having a boy to focus your attention toward lightens the burden - which is temporarily nice, but purely immature, unhealthy, and childish.

Alright, so now that you know to remain a little more mysterious, aloof, and enigmatic, a way to help cultivate these qualities is by having your own life and individual sense of independence. After I graduated, I didn’t know what the hell I was gonna do with my life. I knew I was gonna be in school, but I didn’t know where I was headed as far as a job was concerned, causing me to act a little ..um.. crazy over the summer (my friends and family can definitely vouch for that!) Anyway, I eventually got one in retail in August, and had no idea that I would later become the personal shopper for the store. With very much hard work, and the combination of school and my job, I eventually got back on track. I’ve made so many wonderful friends and I’ve learned so, so much already that I feel more independent than I have in a while. I don’t need anyone to lift me up, because I can do it myself! No one wants to date a needy little Debbie Downer...

Okay, so now that you know independence is essential when it comes to relationships, you should also understand that discretion is of equal importance. Never, ever, ever bring up past relationships when trying to date someone new. It’s incredibly tacky and makes you look a little foolish. Most girls already know this, but with the help of a little alcohol, we let go of our inhibitions, ignoring our verbal filter, saying things we know we don’t mean. So, if you’re with a guy you like, please, please, please watch how much you drink (I’ve implemented a rule of NO more than 2-3 drinks when I’m out!!) and please don’t say anything that may come across as offensive or irritating.

Now that you know you need to watch what you say, you should also be aware of how you act - sober or not, remaining as sophisticated as possible. To me, being sophisticated is a balanced mixture of your speech, your actions, and your appearance. When initially communicating with a guy, avoid crude and vulgar language, staying as poised as possible. In regard to your actions and choice of clothing, to put it bluntly, don’t come across as though you belong on the red light district. A slutty girl is such a turn off. Understand the difference between sexiness and slutty-ness, leading me into my next piece of advice...

I believe that sexiness is unique to every individual, but I define it as someone’s personal level of sensuous appeal, always leaving a little more to the imagination when it comes to your clothes. Meaning, that you aren’t wearing something that shows off every crevice of your body. Rather, you’re wearing clothing that makes a guy wonder what’s underneath, which is much more intriguing. I try and wear classy clothes that fit nicely - for some examples, look at some of my previous fashion posts!! Also, being sexy means knowing yourself - not feeling ashamed of who you are, your body, or your mind. We all have insecurities about ourselves, from our physical appearances to the way we think. Though we know what they are in regard to ourself, it’s such a turn off when girls need a guy to constantly praise them to feel better about themselves. Pure sexiness is knowing that you may not be perfect, but you’re still hot and you don’t need a guy, or anyone, to constantly compliment you. The appreciation will naturally follow once you learn to see the best in yourself.

Alright so I guess that sums up my advice for now. Another piece of information I wanna leave everyone with is never feel guilty for rejecting anyone. Just because someone shows interest, it’s okay to let them know you don’t reciprocate those types of feelings. Also, don’t be afraid to ignore a guy once in a while - sometimes they can be just as annoying as girls, so don’t feel bad for letting them know that they get on your nerves or for ignoring them all together. You have your own life - you are your first priority. Doormats are walked on, not dated.

I Am a Girl's Girl: How Do You Define Yourself?

Lady!! The ultimate girl's girl
as well as my favorite Disney princess :)

Gender roles are issues I consistently discuss in “The Open Book,” not only to express my opinions regarding the subject, but because the mental, social, and natural differences between men and women truly fascinates me. I believe that no one should ever feel ashamed of the individual he or she may be, or of the individual he or she may hope to become, whether it’s based on our sexual orientation, religion, political affiliation, cultural background physical appearance, or economic circumstances. The only reason anyone should ever feel ashamed of their persona is if they are unquestionably corrupt, completely dissociated from their role as a human being - embodying the definition of hatred and disgust. 

Though I feel sad and incredible pity for individuals who stray from compassion, kindness, and morality (which is innate in every individual - even if you haven’t discovered the goodness of the human spirit yet - it’s in all of us), I am not reviewing the matter of Good v. Evil in this particular investigation. Rather, I intend to briefly examine the reasons why we, as people, define one another, our culture, our society, and, most of all, ourselves and, specifically, why being *a British, shopaholic, spiritual, man-loving, shoe obsessed, book-worm, strong, food-cooking, passionate, Leo, philosophical, liberal woman* is the universe’s greatest gift. (*Challenge: replace the underlined statement with a description of your persona!! NO wrong answers!! :D ...And certainly NO judgment!*)

It’s no secret that I’m a girl’s girl through and through. I love shopping, clothes, boys, make up, jewelry, and every girly thing in between. I hate it when my nails aren’t polished and I cringe when boys find their flatulence humorous. Seriously, I hate it. I think it’s so disgusting and I will never comprehend, understand, or fathom why boys think farting (gosh, I hate that word..) is funny. It is so, so, so gross and I could rant about how much it repulses me all day. Ahh, I’m sidetracking - but, regardless of my personal likes and dislikes, it is clear, from my perspective at least, that we label, classify, and catalogue our social experiences, and we don’t even realize we’re doing it. 

I’ve mentioned this before in “The Open Book,” but I’ve grown up in a household of women, and, to me, I genuinely believe that being a girl is such a blessing. Though there are stereotypical connotations associated with femininity, there are mysteriously natural, alluringly profound, and inexplicably wonderful aspects of the female experience. We have an unbelievable intuition, the capability to make men beg at our feet, and the talent of persuasion. These inherent characteristics are often ignored by our culture, men, and, sometimes, even our fellow women. In addition, unlike men, we are gifted with the capacity to think with our hearts, more so than our physical desires. 

Especially in romantic relationships between men and women, the woman has much more power than she may realize. She is the one in control when it comes to, dare I say it, sex. Healthy relationships occur only when the female power is respected, appreciated, and loved. I’m not saying that boys aren’t allowed to have a say in a relationship, but it’s essential that a guy worship what women bring to the table, because all girls are simply amazing. 

Before I began writing this post, I wanted to provide an idea of why I feel so fortunate in my identity as a girl, and how much I love being female, which, to a certain degree, I think I did. However, as I conclude this post, I’ve come to discover that no matter who you are, the way you label yourself, or the way others may label you, embracing your personal strengths, from your unique quirks to your endearing flaws, diminishes the counter-productive craft of stereotyping. Though some of my characteristics are representative of the stereotypical female, I do not see myself through such a negative label. Despite this, I am not afraid of defining myself for who I actually am, always aiming to cultivate the positive in myself and others. 

I am Eloise Rose Banting. 

I am female. 

I am incredible. 

Who are you?

The Jung Typology Test: What's Your Personality Type?

Carl Gustav Jung!!
What a badass...

So, this morning, I was sitting alone bored in my room and I thought, "What can I do to cure my episode of pure, merciless boredom?" Then I thought, "I'm going to take a personality test!!" Originally, I wanted to take the Myers-Briggs personality test, but the first personality test that appeared on google was the Jung Typology Test, which the Myers-Briggs test is based on - and the rest is history...

So, according to the test, my personality type is "ENFP," which stands for Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, and Perception. "PersonalityPage" states that individuals with such a personality type have the following traits: 

"ENFPs generally have the following traits:

• Project-oriented
• Bright and capable
• Warmly, genuinely interested in people; great people skills
• Extremely intuitive and perceptive about people
• Able to relate to people on their own level
• Service-oriented; likely to put the needs of others above their own
• Future-oriented
• Dislike performing routine tasks
• Need approval and appreciation from others
• Cooperative and friendly
• Creative and energetic
• Well-developed verbal and written communication skills
• Natural leaders, but do not like to control people
• Resist being controlled by others
• Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it
• Usually able to grasp difficult concepts and theories"

I find this particular personality test absolutely fascinating for several reasons, but primarily for its accuracy. According to PersonalityPage, 

"As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition...ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them."

In addition, the job types for this type of personality include titles like consultants, psychologists, teachers, entrepreneurs, actors, writers, artists, engineers, and reporters. I've already been heavily involved in 8 out of those 9 career options...

P.S. What's your personality type according to the Jung Typology Test?

Take the test here!! :)

Valentine's Day: Being Single Isn't THAT Bad, Okay?

This is a Valentine's Day
postcard from 1910.
I thought it was really sweet. :)

As someone who has been hopelessly (kind-of) single for the past 22 years, as well as for the past 22 Valentine’s Days, I wanted to devise a list of a few reasons why being without another half really isn’t that bad on a day when romance is celebrated...

7. No pressure to look that cute.

Hey, I’m single so I can wear whatever the hell I want on Valentine’s Day. NO uncomfortable shoes, no stockings, and absolutely no uncomfortable clothes. As someone who loves to dress cute (just for myself), I won’t have to deal with the extra hassle of making sure I wear something a guy would approve of...

6. Saving $$

This just gives me another excuse to go on a shopping spree for myself. I’m not spending money on a gift for someone else, leaving more for me and my shopping habit. :) 

5. A Food Splurge

As someone who makes an effort to eat pretty healthy on a regular basis, you know I’m gonna buy a box of chocolates and eat whatever I want when I go to Mokomandy’s with my mom (who is also my Valentine..).

4. No Expectations

Everyone always has that friend who is expecting her boyfriend to take her on a hot air balloon, treat her to a steak dinner in D.C., or even buy her a diamond necklace, but single people like me don’t have expectations that will get crashed and burned...

3. You can flirt with whoever you want.

No boyfriend= no commitment. Don’t tie yourself down to someone who is clearly not giving anything back in return. You’re free to do what you want, or who you want, for that matter.

2. More time to love yourself.

Instead of desiring someone to give you the attention and love you secretly want, why don’t you give yourself a little extra attention. Get your nails done, go out with your other single girlfriends, or buy something cute.

1. You’re single on Valentine’s Day!!

Just like we wonder what having a date on V-Day is like, sometimes couples miss the perks of being single. They wish they weren’t tied down or dealing with the pressures of a relationship, thinking that we’re the lucky ones. I don’t know about you, but I love my life right now - I certainly don’t need a guy to make me happy, and you don’t either! I know it will happen for me when the time’s right, so there’s no pressure to force anything!

So, to all my single or non-single friends, readers, and acquaintances, and no matter if you're with someone or not, have a happy and pleasant Valentine's Day!! :) 

The Aura: I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours?

I believe that every living human being has an aura. Basically, the aura is a unique collection of metaphysical matter that energizes the human body. It is an ordered spiritual substance present in every living being, composed of seven distinct centers of energy, often referred to as the chakras.  

The Chakras: (from top to bottom)

1. Samasrara (Purple) - This is the Crown Chakra, which is located directly on top of one’s head. This represents our connection with a higher, divine power.
2. Ajna (Indigo): This is the the Third Eye Chakra, located on the forehead, representing our intuition.
3. Vishudda (Blue): This is the Throat Chakra, located, obviously, on the throat, representing personal expression.
4. Anahata (Green): This is the Heart Chakra located on the heart and lungs, representing love, love, love. Every type of love.
5. Manipura (Yellow): This is the Solar Plexus Chakra located on the pancreas, liver, stomach, and spleen, representing one’s sense of self and personal destiny.
6. Svadisthana (Orange): This is the Sacral Chakra, located on our reproductive system, representing creativity and passion.
7. Muladhara (Red): This is the Base Chakra located in our adrenal glands, representing security and that “two-feet-on-the-ground” feeling.

Okay, so now that you know a little more about the aura’s structure, I can discuss the crucial importance of keeping it healthy. Everyone of us has the power to accomplish amazing feats if we understood our own strengths and personal energy. No two auras are the same, just like no two human bodies are the same. Sometimes, with the negative energy that life sometimes throws at us, our innate electro-magnetic energy often becomes skewed, causing our spiritual systems to work inappropriately. Some people are gifted with strong energies, whereas others need help activating their chakras and the proper functioning of their aura. Once the chakras are really doing their job, the aura becomes brighter and brighter, displaying one’s true nature, which is determined by the particular colors that a bright aura is infused with. 

If we understood our spirits more, then I can guarantee we would see a decrease in levels of depression and personal unhappiness. I strongly believe that auras are contagious. Don’t you notice that happy people make you happier? Whereas depressed or annoying or complaining people are draining to have around? Through cultivating the strength of your own spirit, you’re cultivating the strength of humanity - giving the world happiness, which is given back to you.