Couples: What Keeps Em Interesting??

The Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg

I just read an article about passionate love (Please click to read here!!) and I thought the piece was really interesting. (I've secretly been addicted to articles/books/other literature revolving around relationship issues since college..) But I liked/agreed with many of the points in this article, but I don't really agree with the writer's notion that a lack of passion in older relationships, meaning empty nesters, those who've been with each other for decades,etc., is nothing to "bemoan," or worry about. (there are 3 components to the theory of love: passion, commitment, and companionship.) Of course the high of love may diminish over time, but that's just because companionship naturally takes over- but I think that's where commitment should also come into play, because the couple should be devoted to keeping it healthy, wonderful, and, of course, passionate. We're supposed to workout everyday, brush our teeth, and take showers - why can't we put the same effort into a marriage, just by doing simple things to ensure that passion, companionship, and commitment never fade as much as it potentially could?

In my view of it, commitment isn't just about remaining faithful to a lifelong partner(even though that is a key, integral aspect of it.. I know there are people out there who support open marriages, I'm definitely not one of them **though I'm not judging those who think it's okay**. To me, as I said, part of commitment definitely means that there's no one else in the picture besides your significant other.) However, I also think commitment, as stated in the article, is being committed to 'maintaining the relationship.' If this is so, even though the author of the piece makes excellent points on the subject, in my view of passionate love and the maintenance of it, commitment is key, because it means that the couple are committed to maintaining passion and companionship, not just faithfulness and honesty. A couple, I believe, should make the effort to keep a share of all three in a relationship every single day - though they may not keep them in equal shares day by day, all three components are still present in the relationship all the time.

It breaks my heart, especially with couples who've been together for so long, to see the passion fade. And I don't know if it's because the media or younger generations have deemed the physical and emotional desire between an 'older' couple a little taboo to talk about, but I definitely think passion could only grow stronger throughout the years. Say it's diminished in it's first two years of you being together, it's just because at a beginning point in a relationship you don't really have to work at it - but, once you notice it 'fading,' think how strong the passion could be between a couple once it's really worked at. Once there is a mutual commitment to protecting and preserving that initial desire, I think a couple could be unstoppable. So, basically, I really believe, even though I said commitment is a huge part of maintaining passion - that passion is the first and foremost need to take care of in any romantic relationship, coming above companionship and commitment (even though these qualities must always be there in an awesome, monogamous, passionate relationship). 

So, what do you think?? What components of a relationship do you think keep at alive?? I would love to know, because, after all, I'm not a PhD in this field, this is just my humble opinion, and the thoughts of others could be really eye opening!

Self-Actualization: What Do I Value as a Filmgoer Most?

More than many people I know, I believe that I have a true respect for the art of entertainment. This may be more because my family is heavily involved in the arts, and I was introduced to the arts at a very early age, but I look at the field of entertainment just as Neil Armstrong viewed aeronautical engineering. Or even how Florence Nightingale viewed medicine, and even how my most wonderful Grandpa Peter views architecture (among his many interests, because I actually think he holds a love and respect for each field I just mentioned...). Nevertheless, when I view films, attend a play, or even go to a concert, the production’s ability to cultivate an awareness that this particular piece of entertainment is just as essential to me as a roof over my head, the clothes on my back, or the food I eat is what I need as a filmgoer. Specifically, I need the film to give me an experience of self-actualization. 

According to Abraham Maslow, in order for human beings to reach their potential, feel safe, and find happiness, they must have their physiological needs met, a sense of safety, love, esteem, and, finally, must experience self-actualization. I believe that movies, films, literature, and any other piece of art that furthers my process of self-actualization are those I value and remember most. So, to answer the question of what I value as a filmgoer, or what I value most about entertainment, is the ability to propel my innate need of self-actualization. The beauty about true, quality entertainment is that it does all the dirty work for you - all you have to do is watch a movie, rather than really experience something grand, life-changing, or even traumatizing, and it will get you on the right track to becoming...self-actualized, if that makes any sense. 

"46" by Eloise Banting

My 46-year-old friend. Wild.

My friends dazzle in the rain,

Their souls so beautiful-bright!

Our hearts one and the same -

And our spirits so full of light!

But none of them radiate,

The glow of my best friend,

I met him when I was 3,

In my dream he did transcend!

A guardian angel so wise,

A guardian angel so free,

A handsome man of silver hair -

A protector just for me!

I know I shouldn’t have asked,

But he said he was 46,

He said his daughter is like me -

Up his sleeve there were no tricks!

He says when he visits,

It’s when I need him most - 

Though his soul is of the future,

He said that he’s no ghost!

His earthly spirit is not conscious,

Of his ability to come back -

He can only visit in my dreams,

During a metaphysical-mind-attack!

When I was 7 he told me,

After years of little dream-chats,

That we would meet one day,

And he’s the guy with all the cats!

Of this dream I do not lie,

Of this dream I remember well!

Of this dream I never thought much,

But now it’s a cool story to tell...

Then when I was awkward and geeky,

Around the sweet little age of nine,

He showed me a vision of a woman,

In a little black dress sipping white wine!

She also wore gold earrings,

Sporting nails and lips so red,

He said her heels stole his feelings,

But her eyes took his heart instead. 

In this dream he made me feel,

Like an outcast not a pearl.

In that moment I felt awful,

Because I could never be that girl!

I told him to go away,

And that we’ll never speak again,

He grinned and said he’s used to that,

So he came back when I was ten!

He was still 46,

And me already a decade,

He said we’d meet in a few years,

And that I shouldn’t be afraid.

I was so confused and crazed,

Then it was the night before high school,

He said that it’s tomorrow, 

And that I’ll feel like a fool.

Because I searched and searched,

Then  he came back again one night.

 I so badly wanted to meet him in person -

He said we had and I wasn't right!

I had enough of his little riddles,

And thought him a figment of my mind -

(But I write this because he came back yesterday!)

I now see I was so blind!!

He would not tell me what the future rears,

And that he already told me plenty.

He said the 'he' here's known me almost ten years,

While I've known him for almost twenty!