Ms. Ella: What's Your Favorite Color?

Blue blue blueee<3

**This may make sense to very few people, but I promise it will work in ... in a post  that I will post in the near future.  Just bear with me, I know - it makes little sense right now .. hahah.

Ms. Ella, what’s your favorite color?

Royal blue.

When were you born?

August 13, 1986.

Where?

South of France.

Who are you living with?

My boyfriend, who I will be talking to on the phone in the scene. He’s a little older than me, not by much, only 28. -- (I’m 27). He’s away on some sort of business, and, in my little ‘episode,’ I’m venting. As I do often about this individual...

What do you do?

I’m a high school English teacher.

Favorite student?

It’s the individual I’m speaking about in the scene...Under law, I’m not allowed to name names...

Girl or boy? Why is this person your favorite?

Ahh- a girl.  Let’s just say she reminds me of me at that age. I can help her. I can help her. I can really, really help her. A great mind, a great person. She deserves to go to a great school after she graduates, she just doesn’t see it in herself yet.

Have you felt any particular frustration with her?

That's an understatement...

Okay, Mr. Belfort: How Would I Sell This Pen, You Ask?

How Would YOU Sell this Pen??

Apparently- Belfort himself isn’t a huge advocate of this technique, but, for fun, let’s just pretend he is. So, if I were ever at a Jordan Belfort seminar, and he asked me this question while I’m in the audience, first and foremost- 

I would give him my damn seat. I was shocked that not one of the ppl he asked at the end of WoWs did not offer up a seat. So this is what I would do:

I’d take that pen in my hand and say, “Have a seat, sir.”

Then, even in the scene when they were all out eating when Belfort’s friend said, in order to the sell the pen,  he'd something along the lines “What are you gonna write on that napkin with?” I was thinking, before he even said anything, that I would say, “What have you been writing with lately?” because, logically speaking we all own pens- and what if you asked a customer “What are you gonna write on that napkin with??” OR “You got anything to write on that napkin with??” and they had something to show for both questions, by either a) having a pen in their pocket and saying I’d write on my napkin with this or b) Saying yes, I do have something to write on that napkin with. 

To sell something, especially when you’re asking the customer a question, you have to not only make them feel as though they need your product, BUT make sure the question you ask either makes them doubt the current product they have, or realize they need your product because they don’t have it or anything else that could do the job better. 

So, my answer is bulletproof. Asking “What have you been writing with lately?” will cause, I’m sure, most customers to answer either - nothing. OR, if they do give an answer, and say something like, “this pen,” you can then angle the direction of conversation to a place that will cause the customer to doubt the current pen they own, and, if they answer, ‘nothing or I don’t know’, you can angle the direction of conversation to a place that would cause the customer to feel as though they should KNOW what they’re writing with - blah blah blah...then I may say something like, 

“..we should know where our kids are sleeping at night, where our money’s going every time we pay a bill or even when we donate to a charity, but if you aren’t aware of the little things in your life, how can you remain aware of the bigger things- even if its something as simple as knowing what’s marked on the calendar for tomorrow, the next day, or the one after that -- whether it’s just a little reminder to pick up the groceries, maybe it’s a notice of your 18-year-old son’s graduation, or even your daughter’s wedding day -- every step each one of us takes is just another page in our life’s story.

Let us help you write that story.

And with our questionnaire - which we require each one of our client’s to fill out before we make a suggestion of the perfect product for you - you and I will both know how that story is going to be written.”

And I just sold that fucking pen. 

ALSO, I included a ‘required questionnaire’ because our pens are so ‘exclusive’ we only allow people with the intellect to purchase our product, causing the customer to think, “Purchasing this product means that I’m a genius - because I have to fill out a questionnaire- and without it, I can’t own one of her pens.. The intelligent are the only types of people who can have these pens.”

The questionnaire is an implicit ‘compliment’ to the customer, yet also an ‘insult’ if they don’t purchase a pen from my most amazing line.

Then I’d likely have a great return policy-- because my customers are just so important to me that I will take care of their every need, whether they are giving me business or not.

Again, I kinda winged this, I also like including personal little stories in my ‘pitches’, but this route is still fairly strong. I’m sure there are flaws, but it’s late and I’m tired. 

"The One with Instagram" by Eloise Banting

"It's not what I feel for you; it's what I don't feel for anyone but you."

**Like yesterday's quote, I love this one because it is pretty applicable so many types of relationships. It inspired this blog post, especially for this 'Friends' episode I wrote about Monica and Chandler. Had fun writing it. Enjoy!! ...I also think the episode I just wrote is more appropriate for an-hour-long showing of 'Friends' on HBO or Showtime, who knows...but I really had fun with it! Hope you do toooo!!! :) (my apologies for possible typos.)

So, this episode is gonna revolve around the point when Monica and Chandler are still sneaking around after their trip to London, and it just so happens that Chandler, Joey, and Pheobe all have instagram accounts. It gives Chandler a medium to spread his clever cleverness, Joey - to promote himself as an actor, and Pheobe - to be artsy and creative!! I just don’t picture Monica, Rachel, or Ross having instagram accounts... Anyway, so the episode is gonna start in Rachel and Monica’s apartment - Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler went out the night before - and they’re all pretty hungover. Joey and Phoebe head out to get some appropriate hangover food, leaving Rachel, Monica, and Chandler in the apartment alone. Rachel insinuates humorously that all three of them must’ve had a prettttty good time last night - and Chandler says, “Sure.” Really just trying to change the topic - Rachel and Monica are just trying to squeeze it outta him, but he’s not budging. Phoebe and Joey are back now, with the most delicious breakfast sandwiches in the world - the perfect cure for all of their hangovers. Monica is trying to be ‘sexy’ and no one gets why she chose to pair her flannel pajama pants with the lowest cut lingerie tank in the world..Who’s she trying to impress? It’s just them, after all. When no one’s paying attention, Monica is making faces to Chandler implying that they should head over to his apartment while no one’s there. Chandler would be a fool to pass that up! So Chandler says “Hey Mon, do you wanna --” Immediately, she cuts him off thinking her excuse to go to his place is better, and, after all... it’s Monica - She says, trying to ‘act’ , but her delivery remains incredibly one-toned, loud, and choppy, “Oh no!” Goes into her bathroom for a sec, pops back out. “My shower seems to be broken.” Again, trying to act natural, but failing miserably. She continues, “What am I gonna-” Rachel cuts her off and says, “Monica it was working fine this morning, I really don’t think-” Monica cuts her off, “No it’s definitely broken. I can’t take a shower here.” Rachel responds, “Are you sure? Let me check it out...” Monica whips back, “It’s broken!!” In a really harsh, overly defensive way, and Rachel just sits back down, and responds “Okay, I’ll just call our landlord...” Reaches up to get the phone, and Monica, bug eyed, clearly irritated, said “DON’T!” Everyone is taken aback by her defensiveness, all staring at her. She says, “What I meant was, please don’t,” smiling - holding in her tension, “I already called him.” Then Rachel says, “But I thought you just discovered that the shower’s brok-” Monica cuts her off, and says tersely with conviction- her eyes unflinching on Rachel, “I.already.called.him.” Rachel says, “Um..okay..” All of them are a little confused by this behavior, but choose to think nothing of it because of Monica’s OCD, and Joey says, “Well, you’re welcome to use our shower.” Suddenly, Monica says, “I think so too!” Briskly walking outta the door - grabbing Chandler. No one understands why she’s acting this way...

Monica and Chandler finally get to his apartment, and Monica was like “How awesome was that!!!” Thinking that she was just so ‘brilliant‘ in her plotting to get to his place..And Chandler’s thinking, but would never say to her, “Uhh..not really, I was just gonna ask her to help get a stain out of the carpet...” But says, “Yes you were amazing.” 

So, they end up getting a little frisky. Meanwhile, back to the apartment across the hall, Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey are just chit chatting about their night before - and Phoebe and Joey have forgotten a large portion of their night, so they turn to instagram for more answers.. but Rachel asks to see their photos of their time in London, so look at those instead.

Back to Monica and Chandler. So they’ve had their way with each other and it’s time to head back across the hall. Chandler feels as though it’ll look a little suspect if they head back at the same time, and also suggest that Monica get her hair wet in the sink to make it look like she actually did have a shower. He tells Monica to get back over, and he’ll be there soon. She agrees, wets her hair, and goes back. 

So now she’s back with her other pals, and they’re still browsing their instagram pictures. They finished looking at the ones from London, so now they’re back to looking at the ones from the night before....uh oh.

Because the moment Monica walks through the door, Phoebe says, laughing hysterically, “And here’s Chandler with those two ladies from Beijing!! Who both, I’m almost positive, have done excellent work for Joe Francis a few years ago in a certain...documentary. Very informative. Really gave an honest pictorial of the spring break culture from a female perspective. Ross suggested it to me.” 

Rachel just rolls her eyes, saying, "Um, Phoebe, he was referring to Dr. Joe Francis, his friend anddd head of paleontology department at NYU. He does these boring dino-docs all the time." and Joey grins and he’s like, “Yeahhhh .. need to catch up on that **cough** documentary **cough.”

Monica, a little stunned, walks over to Phoebe, all of them now huddled around her, looking over Phoebe's shoulder at her phone with all the instagram photos from last night, as she’s sitting in a chair at the kitchen table. They’re engrossed in the pictures from the night before, all giving the same reactions, through movement, expression, and sound- adding to the comedic effect...a typical ‘Friends’ mechanism. Anyway, as they’re reacting to these pictures, Chandler walks in, all of them laughing at him besides Monica, who is visibly very.very.angry.

And he’s thinking uh ohhh. Chandler didn’t realize that Monica would’ve ever found out about anything on Instagram, especially because she doesn’t have her own account!! Joey says, “Sooo, have fun with your girlfriends last night??” and Monica says, “Yeah, Chandler, have fun with your girlfriends last night??” Joey asks that question in a more lighthearted tone, insinuating that he finds this entire situation pretty funny, the complete opposite of Monica’s angry, accusatory tone when she asks..... 

Then Chandler, always pretty quick on his feet, has to give one answer to satisfy two questions that seem the same but are completely different - one that will give Monica peace of mind and Joey a good laugh without revealing his deep love for Monica, and without revealing that he’s in an argument with his secret girlfriend (Monica) to anyone else in the room. No pressure...

Chandler responds, “Umm... I had a great time, Joey.... Monica you forgot to help me get that stain outta the carpet before you left.” Monica and Chandler go back over the hall, while Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey continue to look at the photos giving the same responses, expressions, reactions, etc.

Now Chandler and Monica are back at his place. Monica accuses, “What was that??!!!” 

Chandler says, “Look, Monica, I care about you more than anybody. Do you remember that time a while back, when me and Ross came home for Thanksgiving?” - he’s thinking, after you got hot, that is...- “Because I’ll never forget it. And you came to pick me and Ross up at the bar and we were both completely hammered. Ross went back with Rachel to ..uh.. I forget her name- Nicole Milano?? Well, to Nicole Milano’s house..” 

**Chandler used to hook up with this chick in college. Monica knew all about it through Ross ... he’s pretending to forget Nicole Milano’s name, so as to show that he doesn’t care about her, which he really doesn’t, but he def knows her name because it just so happens that she works in his office now. Nicole also came out a few years back, and has been cheating on her girlfriend with Ross’ ex-wife. No one knows, aside from the people in the office. News travels fast.**

 “..but I wanted to go back with you because you looked so beautiful.” His phone buzzes, Nicole is reminding him of a meeting in the office tomorrow- and Chandler is clearly texting on his cell. He continues, “And you let me stay with you and hold you and tell you about my favorite comic book and how I so badly wanted to be a writer one day. Remember? And you thought I was just saying that to get with you, which, of course, I would’ve loved, but you knew that me and that Nicole chick were kinda dating - even though I tried my hardest to avoid the topic, and right at that moment- the moment when I thought I had you - I get a page from her. We didn’t even do anything but have fun hanging out with each other. I mean, I wouldn’t’ve touched me if I were you.... Remember? And you asked me who it was and I lied. But I called her from the phone in your room - and I waited  for you to fall asleep. But, because you’re crazy, and either the psycho radar in your brain woke you up or you were already awake - you heard me talking to her.

Not my smoothest moment, especially for someone as slick as me, but-”

**He’s cut off because he got another text on his phone. It’s on the counter now and Monica sees it light up as a text from none other than Nicole Milano. Monica flips her sh*t, and Chandler tries to calm her down. She’s seriously going crazy, then shrieks in her signature loud voice, “What the hell is going on?! You need to leave!! Just get out.”

Chandler responds, “THIS IS MY APARTMENT!!! Just listen -”

“Get out!” says sweet little Monica.

He says, “Alright, well do you wanna give me 6 bucks for coffee since my wallet’s at your place.”

“No.”

Clearly angry- he retorts sarcastically, “How kind of you.”

He leaves, the phone rings...Monica doesn’t know if she should pick it up or not. But she does andddd it’s some woman speaking in Chinese. Chandler knows the language so the caller obviously thought it was okay- and Monica apologizes not knowing what to say. The caller also apologizes, and continues to speak in English, saying, “Ohh you must be Monica!! I don’t know if he told you, but I’m Lisa,  but my girlfriend and I are visiting from Beijing- we’re staying with Nicole Milano, who I’m sure you know-since she works so closely with Chandler, and her girlfriend Katia-” Monica’s thinking girlfriend? Nicole has a girlfriend? “-and we’re just calling to let Chandler know that he left his jacket with us last night! Nicole will give it to him at work, I’m sure...blah blah blah.”

At work?? So Nicole Milano is just Chandler’s business associate, who also happens to have her own girlfriend now?? Monica, feeling, relieved, assures this woman that she’lll let Chandler know. She feels pretty bad, remembering the time she kicked Chandler out years before over Thanksgiving .. she feels a $10 bill in the pocket of her flannel PJ’s, and, in slippers, she runs after him, finds him on the street heading into Central Perk. She walks in, gives him a $10. Says she’s sorry and she’s willing to listen, so they sit on the couch and he continues......

“Well, if you had let me finish in the first place..Where was I? Oh yeah, so you heard me on the phone with Nicole in your own bedroom, and you threw a little Monica hissy fit and kicked me out that time as well? Remember? And I asked you to give me a ride and you completely refused. So I was walking home in the freezing, New England below 10 weather for a couple minutes - but I guess you gave in, because I heard a car coming from behind. I knew it was you because of that weird huffing sound your engine makes. You chased after me. And then gave me a ride back to Nicole’s, remember? Even though it was just one drunken night outta my whole life, I’ll always remember that you gave me a late-night-ride back to Nicole’s. Even when I did something wrong. But you still gave me a ride back to Nicole’s. Don’t you remember?? 

And I guess you and me chose to start things up again in London, but that night all those years ago was when it started for me. Earlier than that, maybe. Even though I had no idea whether or not we’d end up together after that night, I knew that no other girl could have a place in my heart like you did.”

Monica completely melts, sitting next to him on the Central Perk couch. She hugs him and they embrace each other - Chandler looks at the camera, winks, widely grinning, and holds up a thumb - a voiceover from him, expressing his thoughts says, “And that’s how it’s done.” Monica lets go of Chandler, smiling, and the wide grin he held toward the audience quickly changes to an expression of “sweet sincere sensitivity” while looking at Monica- but the audience finds it pretty funny because he is cutely ‘insincere’ in the sweetest “sincere” way. 

Chandler then continues to tell Monica about what he saw when he got back to Nicole’s that night all those years before. As he walked in the house, he went straight to the fridge for some food. Right on the kitchen floor were Rachel and Nicole, sleeping under a blanket....in their birthday suits.

“...they were just lying there. I asked Rach about it after, because I thought it was pretty hilarious, but she never owned it or anything. I mean, she has to remember that - she remembers everything else about that night. Just wish I had the proof.” 

Monica replies, “If only we had Instagram then.”

End episode.

***Ending Credits Scene** 

Ross is sitting on the couch watching TV. Specifically, Barbara Walters is interviewing Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis about a critically appraised documentary he completed a while back, centering around two highly educated businesswomen from Beijing who wanted to understand the female spring break culture of the United States. They were looking to do business over here, targeting that market. Everyone loves it because it’s not only the first recognized piece of work by Francis that doesn’t involve nudity or blatant sexual conduct, but it really captures the psychological, cultural, and social aspects of the female spring break experience in the U.S. - from the perspective of two foreign women looking to branch out in that market. 

Ross picks up his phone, dials a number, and says, "Phoebe! Turn on ABC! Barbara Walters is interviewing Joe Francis about the doc I told you about!"

"The One With the Diary" by Eloise Banting

**Before you start reading, I wrote this little blurb about twenty minutes ago unintentionally. You see, I found the above quote online and thought it was really cute, because you could, if you think about it, apply it to so many relationships, not just romantic ones. So, I was gonna share it on FB for that reason, but then I got carried away, and my caption somehow turned into a "Friends" episode....I literally just copied and pasted my unpublished FB post into this forum. Enjoy! :) 

Well, this is cute (and I woke up way too early this morning.) But some of my fave little love quotes are the positive ones that show the beauty of any relationship, whether it's romantic, a friendship, or ..and this is a bit of a stretch .. a quote that your beloved pet might think about you. To make it a little more clear, I could totally imagine anyone of the characters on 'Friends' saying this about another character.. They all had a true love for each other, but this quote is soo Ross and Rachel.. and I could def picture Ross writing about it in his diary and spritzing the page with rose water in college (but made a decision to leave out/change the name of any and all people he wrote about- wise decision), before Rachel got her nose job. And then he 'loses' it, but really Chandler, his roommate, stole it ..and never found a way to give it back - so years later Monica finds it in Joey and Chandler's apartment..and her, Phoebe, and Rachel read it and think it's Chandler's ..and then Ross walks into the girls apartment and Rachel says,"Omg listen to Chandler's diary it's so funny!" And starts reading it, and then after she finishes she breathes in the rose water scent .. Adding to her fits of laughter. Phoebe then makes it clear that she hopes Chandler didn't write all this about Janice... Ross is mortified, overreacts, snatches the diary from her.. and the girls are left puzzled, but still laughing. He heads to Chandler and Joey's apartment swinging the door wide open in hysterics, and Chandler sees him holding the diary and is left speechless. And Joey says, "Oh you've read Chandler's diary, too? Pretty funny riiight??" Starts laughing hysterically, quoting his favorite parts of the text, including the following Marilyn Monroe quote: "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Ross is seething - hissing at Chandler, "The girls read all of it. I CAnnot believe you were the one who stole my diary!!! I bought it after Rachel and Monica visited that one time in college, after they ditched us for those stingy frat boys icing the quad for some lame senior prank. Monica went for the icing, Rach went for that tool down the hall from us. Remember?? I couldn't sleep for an entire month afterward." As soon as he finishes his little rant, both Joey's and Chandler's expressions shift from ones of lighthearted playfulness to frozen shock. Ross interprets this emotional transition as remorse, believing his "aggression" really showed them who's boss and gives a little smirk. Right after, Joey directs a trembling finger toward the door. Ross thinks it's simply because he forgot to shut the door in his oh-so-angry entrance, but sees Rachel standing there doe eyed with little tears on her cheeks. Ross and Rachel just stand frozen looking at one another, in a shared stream of thought only they could understand. Chandler, Joey, and the audience just witness this moment, all feeling as though they are intruding on these instances between Ross and Rachel. Chandler and Joey tip toe back into their respective rooms - the attention's back on Rach and Dr. Ross, still frozen in thought, eyes glued to one another, not having moved from the moment Ross turned around and saw her. End episode. #TheOneWithTheDiary #AndThatsHowYouWriteAFriendsEpisode

"Black Sheep" by Eloise Banting

She said the help you need is on its way,

And you'll feel better than you do today.

She said you are but a little black sheep-

While her full name is Little Bo Peep!

I offer not much to her field,

I do not have wool like the others yield,

But I am something great and she will see-

That one day the world will appreciate me!

My wool is thick but my skin is thicker,

My spirit streams with a firing flicker!

But my therapy lies on the stage,

And my rehab lies in the novel's page.

I find peace in the words that I love to rhyme,

Name a sheep who can do that all the time!

But a blank page will always save the day,

And pure sweetness will always come my way.

It'll come when I stop messing up,

When there is no silly poison in my cup!

It'll come when I see that line of silver and gold-

It'll come when I finally do what I'm told!

But the fire inside me will always remain,

My truth isn't for anyone to restrain!

But I'll come back when I am better,

And I'll work harder than your furry setter!

But she said you are but a little black sheep,

And you are the reason for the songs we weep!

She says you're difficult-you're always the latest,

But I'm leaving so I can come back only the greatest!