Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Only Reason I'm Not A Cat

The first time I died,
Not long ago,
I found a piece of Heaven.
The last time I died,
Was a few days ago,
With a lucky number seven.

But how many times,
Can I take 
A bullet to my brain.
How many times,
Will you make
Me feel like I’m insane.

But next time I die,
I know I’ll survive,
I’ve been killed over a million!
The next time I die,
I know I’ll thrive,
(I don’t have 9 lives)

I have over a trillion!

Monday, February 16, 2015

"Kingdom Come"

Our time, the words, such time - all of that time spent. I had worked towards such a glorious goal, with the love and adoration that our people so freely bestowed on me, and I failed them. They needed a hero, as they still do, yet no one sought to be mine when I was in need of a helping hand, a kind word, or assured protection. My people do not owe me any vain gratification, and, by natural and constitutional law, requesting such compensation is not permitted within the scope of my duties. Yet my need for a hero - a friend - is a part of my being as much as it is a part of their own beautiful spirits.

Loss plays the most inhuman game at times. Loss may touch one with a playfully irritating snicker, and it may wreck the structure of the glorious fibers once weaved through the most intricate, divine soul. My pride was shattered and disgraced before me until a hollowness seeped through my veins, my mind, granting me the loss of my people’s faith, my people’s trust, 

yet my heart was always innocent. 

The people do not care though, and it is not their obligation to heal me, though it will always remain my happiness and duty to heal theirs. Diverting from this inherent dynamic, this curse, this mysterious blessing, will engrain my spirit to prison walls eternally. 

But embracing the path before me, healing myself, as my dreams, my thoughts, and mind have told me, will give the world a little piece of humanity back that had been stripped from it before. I have a well of secrets buried in my mind, maybe some from past lives, maybe from the land I protect, but I know that I cannot leave this Earth without sharing this divine knowledge, this extension of the universe stored in my soul.  And I do not know what may become of me, but time is an incredible healer, and it will take time to earn back the people’s respect, just as it will to decipher the indecipherable passages inscribed within the abysses of my mind, my being.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

"Pity Is The Worst Insult"


I spoke a word a thousand,
I spoke a word so true,
I spoke of dreams unfounded,
And none of which brought you.

A system so indifferent,
To a sorrowful piteous plight,
A system so horrendous,
I could not win the fight.

They love it when I’m weak,
When I’m not strong at all,
They love it when I seek,
Help to brace my fall.

Darkness so unbounded,
But I dare to seek the light.
Darkness so unfounded,
But I will win this fight.

Monday, January 5, 2015

The Unknown Queen: Who Are You??

An Ancient Egyptian Piece of Art :-)

Okay, I was really amped to share my “Brain on Fire” backstory, based on Susannah Calahan's autobiography "Brain on Fire," and I was in the midst of reading it/re-reading it, outlining it, researching it, etc., but found out that Dakota Fanning (who I love!!) is portraying Calahan in a film-version based on the piece. Fanning is gonna rock it and I know she’ll nail it (as always!), but I really want to avoid sounding like a cheap imitation, so I decided to look for characters who still need a voice and ones that have yet to be acknowledged on an artistic, humane platform. 

There are approximately 7 billion characters residing in the world, a population of characters surmounting the latter number who once resided in the world, and many more lodged in the corners of our mind (if you have an imagination, that is...). With all of these character choices, there is no excuse for me not to find someone whose persona has been denied entrance to the realm of entertainment, with a voice worthy of being heard to enlighten, inform, and humanize the audience, reminding us why such distractions are a necessity to survive in any culture. 

Anyway, people may be surprised to discover this about me, but I am a huge history fanatic. I have no idea where this intrigue stems from, but I have held such a love for this particular subject ever since I was really little. I also love reading about current social, political, and cultural events because it allows me to bear witness to history in the making......and that’s just really cool. So, as I was in search of my new character, I took to CNN, and there she was, right in front of me, my next character!! It was as though one of my guardian angels of cinema brought me to her. I didn’t even have to do much searching, just a couple simple clicks and voila!


 My muse was unearthed in an Ancient Egyptian tomb, believed to be a queen married to Pharaoh Neferefre. Well, someone like this is definitely worthy of a little more recognition than as a pharaoh's wife, and sounds like she has a good story to tell and one that could really resonate with some people, especially if I have anything to do with it. She was a queen, after all, so the mental, sexual, joyful, and/or grieving aspects of her persona provide a plethora of human emotion to unveil!! And, in virtue of being a queen, people naturally pay attention to you, likely amplifying such a respected individual’s drives, especially when such motives are not satisfied. Hm...

Okay, so I’ve never, ever, ever, ever, ever spoken to a soul about my Princess Diana backstory, aside from touching on it loosely in various social forums, but I made sure to do my homework for that one. I am a huge fan of Princess Diana and really wanted to do her character justice, whether or not all of the pieces I put together in her puzzle were a completely accurate illustration of her psyche at that time, I really, desperately wanted to portray her in the most human, loving, empathic light possible. Whenever I made references to objectively factual, provable elements of her world, I did double and triple-checks to make sure that it was spot on. For example, when I say, “..the department store on Brompton Road” - any Brit knows I was referring to Harrod’s, which was owned by her boyfriend at the time, Dodi Fayed. These details give a greater reality not only to the authenticity of her voice, but to the undeniable love she had for Fayed; a love that could not dissolve the grief she felt over the dissolution of her relationship with ex lover Hasnat Khan, the disgustingly inhuman attacks from the press on her fragile character, and all of the other monstrosities she dealt with as a woman (who made amazing accomplishments, mind you!!) in the public eye, which ultimately, as I refer to it, were causes of her “broken heart.”

So, in my post for the “unknown queen”, I plan to ascribe the same, if not a greater, level of humanity to her persona as I did to my Diana’s. I was.. what? About two years younger when I wrote that particular Princess piece?? Whether you believe it or not, I’ve done quite a bit of growing since then, on an emotional, personal, and, at times, unnecessarily “childish” front, meaning that, along with the good and the bad, my level of empathy, too, has grown. 

So these are the questions I need to answer: What was it like waking up everyday as a Queen in Ancient Egypt? What did the surroundings look like?? Generally speaking, what was a simple common courtesy and what wasn’t? What were the social norms? Who was courting her? Who did she love? Who didn’t she love? And why? What was her wardrobe like?? Whose political voice did she respect the most? I really am aiming to answer these questions in a way that won’t make anyone’s brain hurt, with answers remaining so visible in the context of the piece that it shouldn’t even seem like I had to do  any research to uncover them, because, without a question, these answers, or these simple realities, would come so organically to the character (just like her emotions).

I have more questions where that came from, and I really don’t wish to bore you anymore so I’ll keep all of the future, mundane details to myself, promise!! I just thought I’d open up a little bit about my process when I write these pieces, and I might share more of my particular process on “The Unknown Queen” if, I believe, it is actually worth reading!! So thanks, and good night xx

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

"Dust"


The power of a woman’s intuition can stretch dimensions beyond the mind’s eye, farther than the stream that runs deep into the forest from the courtyard in the lower quarter, than the castle’s shadow over the little village that rests so humbly outside of our gates, than the journey of the scorching beams from the sun to the aged terrain that rests on our glorious nation of France. 

The gray, stone walls have become colder and more barren, just as the light in its spirit has dimmed so surely. The days when we entertained the royals of our neighboring brotherly nations and the dignitaries of our own have long since passed, and what was once a joyous temple of nobility, respect, and honor has become a corroded mass of empty rooms, icy wind drafts, and a familiar mildew.

And so, if the power of a woman’s intuition can extend itself far beyond the realm of comprehension and our humanly constrained grasp, I have failed my own instincts, for I would not be in such a circumstance had I listened to that simple, melodic voice in my head which guides me through these most unreliable stages in life -- the one that tells me to sweep away the consistently accumulating dust in the banquet hall every hour, the one that informs me of the dangers in trusting the dishonest minds who poison the purity, beauty, and goodness in this world,

 and the one that warned me of the witch.

A witch’s influence can seep through generations, the pores of someone’s soul, and the  choices made by her target. Whether such choices are in the same vein as the intent of her victim is not quite the issue, it is dependent on that poisonous magic she infuses through her prey, and the color of the witch’s hope for you, good or bad.

The witch’s hope for me strayed so savagely from my own, as it did from all of the other beings bound to this dismal reality. She was unable to attain the affections of our Prince, and his refusal of her advances was, disastrously, his downfall, and ultimately that of our own. 

So she cursed the Prince, and transformed him into a hideous beast. She told him that true love would break the spell if and only if he returned the love professed to him by an honest admirer. Such an occurrence would restore his handsome looks, yet, according to her, such an occurrence was unlikely, and that no one but her could love him in this atrocious form, for he was too monstrous to adore. So, now, it was up to him to return her love, if he would choose to have her. 

Yet he refused. 

I knew what would become of him and I knew of his fate for such a refusal, and now it is too late to abandon my responsibilities, my obligations. I am confined to these duties until I am granted worthy of a relocation - of a rebirth. But such is the case for all who reside here, including the Prince.

It was a time ago that he gave me this position, for reasons that I am still unsure. He was not always so beastly, and the monster within would only make its appearance when we expected guests if the butler forgot to light the banquet candles, if the china wasn’t polished, or if I failed to sweep the constant build up of dust these stone floors so devilishly attracted. 

But he always forgave me, and he always excused my youthful indifference, for he knew this was why I ignored my destined chores. And he knew what I was capable of when I exerted my full focus toward such tasks, and ones that so few in this world were capable of! But did I love him for it, just as he loved me.

Now, I can barely look out the window to the desolate courtyard, where we would once play, laugh, and bathe in one another’s gaze until the sunset hit the horizon of that never-ending forest. These times are only bound to a memory now! As well as the feeling he gave me, that one of wholeness, that one of completion, of my soul’s uncomplicated, innocent eternity! This, too, is adrift with all of the other graces turned backwards by the witch’s curse!

But did he love me! Even when a great distance apart, I would fall asleep, as I still do, imagining his embrace cradling me, protecting me, from the vicious spirits that protrude our dreams to give us a nightmare so unforgettable, so evil, that we fear the realm of our unforeseeable slumber. But with his spirt around me, with his love that he so selflessly bestowed on me, as he still does, my fear became less and less. 

I became brave because of it. Maybe too brave, but with the gains of maturity, one learns how to reign in such a confidence by dissolving the vanity, pretensions, and flurries of pride which may arise when esteemed by such an appraised embodiment of nobility. One learns that a moment of haughty, unabashed naïveté is not worth the immobility it affixes to one’s spirit. Whether one’s soul is a force of mathematical genius, an ambassador of purity - inclined to sweep away the soft grains of negativity or insecurity which threaten the virtues of the Prince, his people, and often these dusty castle floors - or even a radiant light of unlimited creative dexterity, an immodest regard for one’s own innate, God given capacity is a formula for its paralysis. 

So I thank the Prince everyday for the foundation of strength he has built for me. I thank him in my thoughts, in my mind, and in my dreams which are the only keepsake of our memories now. And he always dreams of me! I can feel his deep reverence for my soul, the anticipation which wanders through his imagination for the fruits of my beating, productive heart, and his penetrable advances discovering the flowing thoughts that journey through my perplexing, labyrinthine, and sometimes stormy hot-head -- a haven that has remained so enduringly impassable to anyone else!

The witch did not know any of that!! Nor did she care. She wanted a love from someone because she wanted the glory, honor, and fame of such a love! She wanted a love from someone at the expense of the magnificent destiny positioned ahead for myself, the Prince, and his castle. She did not know of the times the Prince and I would lay together in the courtyard, of the time he promised me that he would remain my friend and I, his muse, for an eternity longer than the everlasting presence of the stars in the night’s sky. And she certainly did not know of the time the Prince whispered a beautiful secret in my ear after he gently brushed my hair back with his even-hand, promising a happiness only heard of in silly, child-hood stories.

I remember the first time the witch arrived at the gates, and I could smell evil, spite, and manipulation on her! None of us would be in this deplorable circumstance had I listened to my own, inner-voice then! For it was me who allowed her through the front gates, and it was me who introduced her to the Prince, and it was me who carelessly invited her into the estate for a glimpse of its signature hospitality! 

So I chose to listen to that inner-voice again.

The Prince had told the witch he would remain a beast as long as I remained in my cursed appearance. He requested that she change me back, and begged for my freedom, above the others and himself. And she refused, as he refused her. 

And in that moment of realization, when I listened to that inner-voice that kept me so foolishly oblivious and unaware when I ignored it, I thought of the Prince and all of our lingering moments together, all of the laughter we shared, and all of the joy that pranced from my spirit so amusingly to his. And I thought of his patience.

My love was more than just a selfish, juvenile respect for a Prince who endorsed the calling of my heart, it grew into a revelation of a spirit’s complement. A revelation the Prince was so patient for, because he loved me so.

All I needed to do in order to reverse the damage was listen to that voice after disregarding its humble directions for so long. He would not change without me. He chose to remain a beast, as I would remain, what felt like, a wooden, idle and unused cleaning device bound to servitude for this doomed castle. 

And then his soul heard mine.

And I removed myself from the fire pit's ledge in the East Wing, from becoming one of its contents to devour like firewood,

For him.

And the curse was broken.

 And I swept the witch, her curse, and my childish ignorance away just as I sweep the forgotten dust that hides within each unknowing crevice of this castle. For it is simply dust, a material that is so easily cleared, which veils the beauty and the truth of any entity stemming from a universal goodness, stemming from a truest love.

The power of my intuition is too strong to be beaten by such wretched extensions of darkness. And I would not let a witch’s curse turn me into a fool. I would not let it turn me into blinding dust.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

A Little Bite of Film Noir Style: Who Are Your Favorite Femme Fatale Fashion Inspirations??

Cora Smith as Lana Turner in "The Postman Always Rings Twice"
One of my inspirations in this fashion post, among others. Can you guess any??
Anyway, I love film noir fashions and the femme fatales who sported such legendary ensembles, so I pulled a few pieces from my wardrobe in honor of this timeless style.

One of our favorite items to wear is a towel right when we get outta the shower...With a kitty who loves to play..
...Then throw on a little, white two-piece ensemble because it's all you can scramble into after someone rings your doorbell.. 
..my lacey white bandeaux of purity was so pure until....

..too much blood got on it after we hid the body...

..So I had to hide all of the evidence.  Every. Last. Piece. Fortunately, my partner in crime - the love of my life - gave me his coat, and I tied some rope around my midriff so it'd stay in place when we did our next job... 
..But everything I owned got darker and darker, just as I did...

..And I decorated my jacket with all our leftover bullet shells...
..but it just got too dark to see...
..And nothing could hide the reasons why my shirts were always died so blood red.. So I had to stop..

...So I got on my knees - baring my stark naked soul, and asked for forgiveness...

...It was granted, and I was allowed to wear my purest snowy hues again...

..like a boss...

...and wear the pants too.



Thursday, November 20, 2014

Review of Joe Carnahan's "Stretch" (2014)




Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? Well, the dynamics of the revelatory decree, which states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, are wonderfully encapsulated in Joe Carnahan’s “Stretch.”  A bit rough around the edges, the film follows the tumultuous journeys of the equally as unrefined limo driver, Stretch, played by Patrick Wilson. In the opening moments, it’s clear he’s down on his luck, with a drug, gambling, and booze addiction to top it off. It is only when he meets Candace (played by Brooklyn Decker), and falls in love with her, does he find the willpower to eradicate his personal addictions. A year after dating, he plans to propose, but Candace breaks up with him, and he falls back into his old patterns of self-destruction.

On top of this failed relationship, and owing $6,000 to an angry dealer who wants it ASAP, the limo business Stretch works for is about to go belly-up, and his boss enlists his favorite employee to ensure that this doesn’t happen. So, the only logical solution to both of these problems is by working for elite clientele with the money to pay off his debts and keep the business afloat. So, Charlie, a receptionist/assistant at the limo company, played by the beautiful Jessica Alba, gives Stretch leads to the big timers who could really help him out. As you can imagine, the pressure’s on. 

This is only made worse by the first ‘big-time’ client Stretch acquires, in the form of an eccentric rich guy, Roger Karos, played by Chris Pine. Let me tell you, we’re all so used to seeing Pine as one of the most handsome men in the world, but this particular role gives him room to display how he can transform into someone completely different: A dirty, disheveled sex-addict, likely indifferent to the fact that he is stricken with various venereal diseases, with a grungy, dreaded hair/beard combo to boot. To give you a better idea of this extreme character, Karos’ lovely, um, package greets us before he does as he parachutes from the sky stark naked in his introductory scene. 

Of course, Karos, though not an ideal form of aid, is now Stretch’s only hope, and when any of us are given help, we are obliged to do our helper’s bidding. Unfortunately, for Stretch, this means aiding and abetting in Karos’ illegal schemes, enabling his sex and cocaine addictions, as well as his penchant for “high-end” prostitutes. Stretch certainly breaks bad in his quest for survival, and if he can’t change his circumstances, he has nothing to lose by joining the dark side to stay, and even feel, alive. All of this is overlooked and commented on by his guardian angel, Karl, a former limo driver who committed suicide, played by Ed Helms

This is merely the convoluted premise to such a convoluted story. There is such an interwoven labyrinth of subplots, character connections, and criminal activity, that the viewer feels the need to decide on what to focus more: the mini-stories that make up the entirety of “Stretch?” Or the main character, Stretch, of “Stretch?” Or what about the kooky Karos, who is a movie in his own right? Or even Stretch’s love life? Career? And relationships? And how is Stretch going to escape the authorities and criminals chasing after him? And then make it to coffee with his Tinder date the next morning?

If that felt like an overload of questions, it’s because it is, and that’s how I felt as I was watching the film. It was completely overloaded, but, in all fairness, you are experiencing the tension, anxiety, and fear with Stretch. This is what he was going through from the moment he met the love his life at the beginning, to the moment he found a new interest at the end. I’m just glad that I wasn’t the one having to answer any of those complicated questions, because it’s such fun watching Stretch solve them. A definite full throttle B-movie whose high rubs off on the viewer awhile after its conclusion, in the physical, emotional, and metaphysical sense.