Review of Joe Carnahan's "Stretch" (2014)

Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? Well, the dynamics of the revelatory decree, which states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, are wonderfully encapsulated in Joe Carnahan’s “Stretch.”  A bit rough around the edges, the film follows the tumultuous journeys of the equally as unrefined limo driver, Stretch, played by Patrick Wilson. In the opening moments, it’s clear he’s down on his luck, with a drug, gambling, and booze addiction to top it off. It is only when he meets Candace (played by Brooklyn Decker), and falls in love with her, does he find the willpower to eradicate his personal addictions. A year after dating, he plans to propose, but Candace breaks up with him, and he falls back into his old patterns of self-destruction.

On top of this failed relationship, and owing $6,000 to an angry dealer who wants it ASAP, the limo business Stretch works for is about to go belly-up, and his boss enlists his favorite employee to ensure that this doesn’t happen. So, the only logical solution to both of these problems is by working for elite clientele with the money to pay off his debts and keep the business afloat. So, Charlie, a receptionist/assistant at the limo company, played by the beautiful Jessica Alba, gives Stretch leads to the big timers who could really help him out. As you can imagine, the pressure’s on. 

This is only made worse by the first ‘big-time’ client Stretch acquires, in the form of an eccentric rich guy, Roger Karos, played by Chris Pine. Let me tell you, we’re all so used to seeing Pine as one of the most handsome men in the world, but this particular role gives him room to display how he can transform into someone completely different: A dirty, disheveled sex-addict, likely indifferent to the fact that he is stricken with various venereal diseases, with a grungy, dreaded hair/beard combo to boot. To give you a better idea of this extreme character, Karos’ lovely, um, package greets us before he does as he parachutes from the sky stark naked in his introductory scene. 

Of course, Karos, though not an ideal form of aid, is now Stretch’s only hope, and when any of us are given help, we are obliged to do our helper’s bidding. Unfortunately, for Stretch, this means aiding and abetting in Karos’ illegal schemes, enabling his sex and cocaine addictions, as well as his penchant for “high-end” prostitutes. Stretch certainly breaks bad in his quest for survival, and if he can’t change his circumstances, he has nothing to lose by joining the dark side to stay, and even feel, alive. All of this is overlooked and commented on by his guardian angel, Karl, a former limo driver who committed suicide, played by Ed Helms. 

This is merely the convoluted premise to such a convoluted story. There is such an interwoven labyrinth of subplots, character connections, and criminal activity, that the viewer feels the need to decide on what to focus more: the mini-stories that make up the entirety of “Stretch?” Or the main character, Stretch, of “Stretch?” Or what about the kooky Karos, who is a movie in his own right? Or even Stretch’s love life? Career? And relationships? And how is Stretch going to escape the authorities and criminals chasing after him? And then make it to coffee with his Tinder date the next morning?

If that felt like an overload of questions, it’s because it is, and that’s how I felt as I was watching the film. It was completely overloaded, but, in all fairness, you are experiencing the tension, anxiety, and fear with Stretch. This is what he was going through from the moment he met the love his life at the beginning, to the moment he found a new interest at the end. I’m just glad that I wasn’t the one having to answer any of those complicated questions, because it’s such fun watching Stretch solve them. A definite full throttle B-movie whose high rubs off on the viewer awhile after its conclusion, in the physical, emotional, and metaphysical sense.