As a female specimen who has grown up in a house full of girls (from elementary to high school, at least), who has close girlfriends, and a keen eye for what girls look for, I definitely know what it takes for guys to get the girl of their dreams. It really isn’t rocket science, so I would like to extend my hand to all of the boys out there who really don’t have a clue when it comes to the opposite sex. Much of what we look for in a guy is very similar to what you look for in a girl--with a few minor differences, of course.
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| "Adam and Eve" by Hendrik Goltzius |
Specifically, everyone wants to be with someone who is pretty well rounded with good looks and the wit to back it up. The difference is, especially at first, girls like a talker more than a looker, whereas a boy will notice a girl’s boobs or behind before her brain or character. I am not saying that all guys are shallow, this is just how it works. So, when courting a girl who sparks your interest, show her that you have a sense of humor. Honestly, if you can make a girl laugh (genuinely, genuinely laugh), even if you’re not the best looking guy at the bar, she will remember you. We really don’t value looks as much as you think. Of course, if you’re a hottie, it’s just icing on the cake, but personality is key with girls. You must be careful not to try too hard with this though. It’s such a turn off when guys try to be funny, and it can definitely become borderline obnoxious. Just be comfortable, don’t slouch, and if you make your girl laugh--good for you--if not, don’t beat yourself up over it either.
Okay, so the next one is pretty much a given- a confident guy is always such a turn on. Guys love confident girls, and we love confident guys-it just goes hand in hand. Don’t ever be afraid to approach a girl you wanna get to know, she will take this as a huge compliment. If, however, she’s clearly not interested, just get over it and move on. Please, please, please do not annoy her. If she has made it clear to you that she wants to be with her friends, let her be with her friends. If she’s made it clear to you she would rather hit on the bartender, let her hit on the bartender. Don’t smother her with texts or your ‘loving’ affections if she’s obviously not interested. It is such a turn off when a guy keeps pestering a girl when she is clearly not about it. It will push her away. A guy who does this is not confident, he just needs the approval of a girl to validate himself. You are better than that, and you want a girl who will reciprocate the same feelings.
Okay so this is where it gets a little confusing. Girls love to play games--sometimes, she’ll just act uninterested to determine now interested you really are, even if she has feelings for you. Do NOT feed into this. It is an unhealthy behavior and girls who act this way are always bad news. Back away slowly.
On the other side of this, boys love to play games too. Please do not be one of them. It is an incredible turn off when guys start acting as catty as the ladies. Don’t try and make her jealous, and please don’t try and show her how manly you are by all the other girls who “want you.” This will really anger her and she’ll bite back in a way that you never wanna be bitten. If you try and make her jealous by spending time with another girl--go for it. Just know that the girl you actually like will be making every effort to get over you and you will end up with a girl you didn’t even want in the first place. At that point, your main squeeze will be long gone. Every girl deserves better than that, so make sure you show her respect. Boys who are blatantly disrespectful to girls are so frustrating, it is a definite sign of immaturity. Grow out of it.
Despite this, everyone knows the old adage of “Girls wanting what they can’t have,” and, to a certain degree, this will always hold true. We love mystery and knowing there is a part of your persona that is virtually unattainable. However, you can still be mysterious without provoking anger from a girl- or by making her want to rip her hair out and shove it up your you-know-what. Seriously though, it is okay to harmlessly flirt or talk to other girls, and a secure girl would not be upset about this. Especially if she knows you will always go back to her. In other words, loyalty is one of the biggest attributes we really value in guys, and if you prove this to her then she knows you’re a keeper.
Another trait we really love is generosity. Be giving of yourself and she will absolutely go weak in the knees. This does not mean you need to have money to be generous. You just need to show her that you want to make her happy, and that you’ll walk across mountains and swim through pirana-infested waters for her. Nobody said it better than Patti Stanger on the Millionaire Matchmaker Reunion show: “Chivalry is not dead.” Be courteous, respectful, and honorable toward women, and you will find that “special someone” sooner than you think. Personally, I love it when a guy takes me out to dinner and treats me like a princess after I’ve spent the time and money to get ready for him. I’m not saying it always works out, but it definitely shows character on the guy’s part. Just show a girl how much you appreciate her, and she’ll show how much she appreciates you.
Okay, so the following is a very, very important characteristic all women look for: good-grooming. If a boy looks like a before picture on a slimfast ad, we’ll run. If a boy smells like a dumpster, we’ll gag, throw up in our mouths a little bit--and then, of course, run. It is an indescribable turn off when a guy doesn’t care about something he could easily fix. Always take showers, apply deodorant, brush your teeth, and wear clean, presentable clothes that actually fit. I once sat next to a guy in a philosophy class and he smelled like rotting cabbage mixed with a dose of expired salsa. On top of it, he always had spaghetti sauce droplets and coffee stains scattered on his shirts. And, on top of that, he would always attempt to make conversation with me. Turned out to be a very bad idea, because anyone who knows me well knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I have absolutely have zero filter sometimes, especially when it comes to issues that really bother me. So, as the person I am, after more than a few class periods of this torture, I didn’t even realize I muttered the words “You smell so bad” to him one day in a nonchalant, thoughtlessly careless voice. In addition, my voice tends to carry, so everyone in our 17-person class heard me and stared me down for a good 20 seconds after I made the statement. Possibly one of the top five most awkward moments of my life. Needless to say, we never sat next to each other again for the rest of the semester. Please don’t let this happen to you and, for your sake as well as mine, take care of yourself.
So, when it comes down to it, girls want a humorous-confident-respectful-mysterious-chivalrously-clean-dependable guy (for the most part at least). I may have left some specifics out, but, if you can cultivate these characteristics, you will find a girl that you are compatible with. It may take some soul searching, but you’ll get there someday. Believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place. :)
Photo Cred:
http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/artists/recently-added/july2008/big/Adam-and-Eve-1608-xx-Hendrik-Goltzius.JPG
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