A Dating Mantra: Where Are Your Priorities?

Queen Elizabeth I!
She always put herself first!!
Certainly my type of lady...

I haven’t produced a dating post in quite some time, and I honestly feel as though it’s because I have to truly feel as though I’m taking the advice I offer in each little-love-write-up. I’ll admit, the only reason I’m good at giving such insightful dating guidance is because I mess up in relationships, I learn from them the hard way, and then I share my wisdom with all of you. 

This will be the last part of my introduction, and I’ll get to my recently discovered observations in a bit, but what every individual - girl or boy - needs to understand before trying to date someone seriously is that you must, must, must have your shit in a sock before attempting to have a relationship with anyone else. Being in love will not fix your problems, only you can do that. For me, I guess I was in a stupid rut since graduation which affected me very negatively in my love life, prohibiting me from producing some of my signature dating advice posts(many of which my blog is known for!). Regardless, focusing on negativity will only produce more negativity - and it’s annoying for everyone. So throw your baggage away! No excuses! That’s why I’m dedicating this blog post to my fellow females, hoping to guide them toward developing the right qualities to attract the right guy! Now let me begin...

Alright, so I take Yoga and Pilates to give me a sense of calm in my hectic life (I’m a full time student and Personal Shopper!!) and during one of my sessions, I had quite the epiphany. As I sat there clearing my busy mind, I just felt as though I truly didn’t give a shit, but in the best way possible. You see, I felt pure tranquility, and I thought to myself, why can’t I transfer this sense of relaxation toward my love life, like I used to? Seriously. Throughout most of my college career, especially after Freshman year, I just didn’t care to chase after boys, I’d let them come to me. Comparatively, my level of control in dating was probably a 98% back then, now it’s a rough 87%. Not cool. 

So, I’m telling you, especially if you’re a girl, don’t be the chaser in a relationship. It’s not natural. If you find that you are becoming the “chaser,” ask yourself: Why do I want my prey so badly? If you think about it, you probably don’t. It may just be that you feel rejected, insecure, or anxious, and you’re actively seeking someone you don’t even really like that much to help alleviate your feelings of self-doubt. Like I said before, it’s so important that you throw your baggage away before getting into the dating game, because it will cloud your judgment when it comes to matters of the heart. You just don’t wanna deal with your own issues, and having a boy to focus your attention toward lightens the burden - which is temporarily nice, but purely immature, unhealthy, and childish.

Alright, so now that you know to remain a little more mysterious, aloof, and enigmatic, a way to help cultivate these qualities is by having your own life and individual sense of independence. After I graduated, I didn’t know what the hell I was gonna do with my life. I knew I was gonna be in school, but I didn’t know where I was headed as far as a job was concerned, causing me to act a little ..um.. crazy over the summer (my friends and family can definitely vouch for that!) Anyway, I eventually got one in retail in August, and had no idea that I would later become the personal shopper for the store. With very much hard work, and the combination of school and my job, I eventually got back on track. I’ve made so many wonderful friends and I’ve learned so, so much already that I feel more independent than I have in a while. I don’t need anyone to lift me up, because I can do it myself! No one wants to date a needy little Debbie Downer...

Okay, so now that you know independence is essential when it comes to relationships, you should also understand that discretion is of equal importance. Never, ever, ever bring up past relationships when trying to date someone new. It’s incredibly tacky and makes you look a little foolish. Most girls already know this, but with the help of a little alcohol, we let go of our inhibitions, ignoring our verbal filter, saying things we know we don’t mean. So, if you’re with a guy you like, please, please, please watch how much you drink (I’ve implemented a rule of NO more than 2-3 drinks when I’m out!!) and please don’t say anything that may come across as offensive or irritating.

Now that you know you need to watch what you say, you should also be aware of how you act - sober or not, remaining as sophisticated as possible. To me, being sophisticated is a balanced mixture of your speech, your actions, and your appearance. When initially communicating with a guy, avoid crude and vulgar language, staying as poised as possible. In regard to your actions and choice of clothing, to put it bluntly, don’t come across as though you belong on the red light district. A slutty girl is such a turn off. Understand the difference between sexiness and slutty-ness, leading me into my next piece of advice...

I believe that sexiness is unique to every individual, but I define it as someone’s personal level of sensuous appeal, always leaving a little more to the imagination when it comes to your clothes. Meaning, that you aren’t wearing something that shows off every crevice of your body. Rather, you’re wearing clothing that makes a guy wonder what’s underneath, which is much more intriguing. I try and wear classy clothes that fit nicely - for some examples, look at some of my previous fashion posts!! Also, being sexy means knowing yourself - not feeling ashamed of who you are, your body, or your mind. We all have insecurities about ourselves, from our physical appearances to the way we think. Though we know what they are in regard to ourself, it’s such a turn off when girls need a guy to constantly praise them to feel better about themselves. Pure sexiness is knowing that you may not be perfect, but you’re still hot and you don’t need a guy, or anyone, to constantly compliment you. The appreciation will naturally follow once you learn to see the best in yourself.

Alright so I guess that sums up my advice for now. Another piece of information I wanna leave everyone with is never feel guilty for rejecting anyone. Just because someone shows interest, it’s okay to let them know you don’t reciprocate those types of feelings. Also, don’t be afraid to ignore a guy once in a while - sometimes they can be just as annoying as girls, so don’t feel bad for letting them know that they get on your nerves or for ignoring them all together. You have your own life - you are your first priority. Doormats are walked on, not dated.