Poverty: Wanna Know What It's Like?

The first time I ever experienced any semblance of poverty was during my brief residency in New York from 2014-2015. I had never known what it was like to ‘not have money’, and, coming from Northern Virginia, I was consistently surrounded by wealth.  Well, upon arrival in New York, everything started spiraling downward. I noticed the funds in my bank account were depleting, and became desperate for any sort of employment. However, to get to work, or even get to job interviews, required money that I simply didn’t have. I started seeking work that didn’t require any type of transit, but those are few and far between. And, without money, I was unable to afford the basic essentials for life, including food, clothing, and even tampons. It becomes difficult to involve yourself in mainstream society without these necessities, as I quickly learned.

Well, fortunately, for me, after giving it a year in New York, my family came to the rescue and lifted me out of my incredible destitution. For many, however, that type of safety net is non-existent. They have no family or funding to fall back on. Additionally, the psychological toll of having no money is disastrous. I remember having zero willpower or strength to string a simple sentence together whenever I attempted to put a pen to paper or type up any sort of think piece. I became immobile -- mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically, and intellectually. I was so focused on survival that I felt devoting my attentions to any endeavor that I so enjoyed was a waste of my time and, not only that, an impossibility. You see, when you have $15 a week to live on in New York City throughout the majority of the year, it becomes sort of impossible to do anything. To top it off, I went to New York to act, on of my truest passions, and I was beyond devastated that I couldn't pursue this because of my limited means. I felt worthless, confused, idle, and desperate. I became suicidal. I had never experienced such an intense level of depression - I felt as though the world was indifferent to me, so I became indifferent to it. Why weren't people who I felt that I contributed so much time and effort to helping me?? Why wasn't the world hearing my cries? My desperate cries for help?? I became virtually un-hirable, un-socialable, and un-livable. Life was not beautiful for me anymore.

But, through all of this, I couldn't help but notice that it was not just me living this way, I was surrounded by so many living this existence. I guess once you start to live a certain way, you notice who else is living that way too, and much, much more. I had never been so in tune to other's suffering in my entire life. I wondered to myself, why weren't the gentrifiers doing anything to help those around them?? Well, it's because the majority of them weren't living in poverty themselves and, like I said, people see what they are. They didn't see poverty because they couldn't. They weren't living a life in the worry that they didn't have enough money for the Subway, that they wouldn't have enough food to eat that night, day, even week. They didn't know what it was like to not be able to afford something as simple as tampons. And now I can't continue this piece because I'm in tears. True tears. Hope this was the tiniest bit educational.