Okay, Mr. Belfort: How Would I Sell This Pen, You Ask?

How Would YOU Sell this Pen??

Apparently- Belfort himself isn’t a huge advocate of this technique, but, for fun, let’s just pretend he is. So, if I were ever at a Jordan Belfort seminar, and he asked me this question while I’m in the audience, first and foremost- 

I would give him my damn seat. I was shocked that not one of the ppl he asked at the end of WoWs did not offer up a seat. So this is what I would do:

I’d take that pen in my hand and say, “Have a seat, sir.”

Then, even in the scene when they were all out eating when Belfort’s friend said, in order to the sell the pen,  he'd something along the lines “What are you gonna write on that napkin with?” I was thinking, before he even said anything, that I would say, “What have you been writing with lately?” because, logically speaking we all own pens- and what if you asked a customer “What are you gonna write on that napkin with??” OR “You got anything to write on that napkin with??” and they had something to show for both questions, by either a) having a pen in their pocket and saying I’d write on my napkin with this or b) Saying yes, I do have something to write on that napkin with. 

To sell something, especially when you’re asking the customer a question, you have to not only make them feel as though they need your product, BUT make sure the question you ask either makes them doubt the current product they have, or realize they need your product because they don’t have it or anything else that could do the job better. 

So, my answer is bulletproof. Asking “What have you been writing with lately?” will cause, I’m sure, most customers to answer either - nothing. OR, if they do give an answer, and say something like, “this pen,” you can then angle the direction of conversation to a place that will cause the customer to doubt the current pen they own, and, if they answer, ‘nothing or I don’t know’, you can angle the direction of conversation to a place that would cause the customer to feel as though they should KNOW what they’re writing with - blah blah blah...then I may say something like, 

“..we should know where our kids are sleeping at night, where our money’s going every time we pay a bill or even when we donate to a charity, but if you aren’t aware of the little things in your life, how can you remain aware of the bigger things- even if its something as simple as knowing what’s marked on the calendar for tomorrow, the next day, or the one after that -- whether it’s just a little reminder to pick up the groceries, maybe it’s a notice of your 18-year-old son’s graduation, or even your daughter’s wedding day -- every step each one of us takes is just another page in our life’s story.

Let us help you write that story.

And with our questionnaire - which we require each one of our client’s to fill out before we make a suggestion of the perfect product for you - you and I will both know how that story is going to be written.”

And I just sold that fucking pen. 

ALSO, I included a ‘required questionnaire’ because our pens are so ‘exclusive’ we only allow people with the intellect to purchase our product, causing the customer to think, “Purchasing this product means that I’m a genius - because I have to fill out a questionnaire- and without it, I can’t own one of her pens.. The intelligent are the only types of people who can have these pens.”

The questionnaire is an implicit ‘compliment’ to the customer, yet also an ‘insult’ if they don’t purchase a pen from my most amazing line.

Then I’d likely have a great return policy-- because my customers are just so important to me that I will take care of their every need, whether they are giving me business or not.

Again, I kinda winged this, I also like including personal little stories in my ‘pitches’, but this route is still fairly strong. I’m sure there are flaws, but it’s late and I’m tired.