A Dating Dilemma: What Constitutes as Girlfriend Material?

"The Birth of Venus"
by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1879)
Venus is the goddess of love,
beauty, pleasure, and fertility.
She is the pinnacle of girlfriend material!

Despite the fact that I’ve been hopelessly single for virtually my entire life (only had a 4-day “official” boyfriend in eighth grade who I dumped over an e-mail...), I cannot help but wonder, especially from a male perspective, is there a specific set of unwritten requirements for a lady you would call a “girlfriend?” I understand that many of my posts garner more interest from a female audience, but I would love feedback from some of my male readers, especially on this post. In general, I have a pretty good understanding of relationships between boys and girls, but, out of my own personal curiosity, I would love to have a more in-depth knowledge of the girls boys hate and the girls they date. The only way to obtain a sharper comprehension of this topic is to go directly to the source- so, guys, what are the qualities you seek in the ideal female mate?

From my perspective, and after years of romantic mishaps, I have some idea of what guys look for in a love affair simply because I definitely know what they don’t like, giving me room to assume what they do. One trait that I’ve noticed boys adore in a girl is a sense of humility. When a girl can make fun of herself, it makes men feel as though they aren’t competing with anyone, allowing them to let their guard down and feel so much more comfortable.  

I’ve also noticed, and I could be completely wrong, but guys like a girl who is a little bit dramatic. I’m not saying you should go crazy if you discover a harmless text, Facebook message, or tweet sent to him from another lady, but don’t be afraid to let him know if he genuinely hurts you. Keep in mind that you don’t want to be the girl who cries wolf all the time, because when he does truly act in a way that harms the relationship, he won’t acknowledge your feelings, claiming that you’re just, for lack of a better word, a little cray-cray (which all girls can be at times). Also, when you let him know he has hurt you, only if he really has, it shows that you care about him staying in your life. If you’re just passive all the time, he won’t think that you’re entirely invested in the relationship, and nobody wants that.

Also, guys don’t really respect possessive or jealous girls, which is more than fair because I definitely cannot handle possessive or jealous guys. Everyone needs their freedom, and guys love girls who let them have their boys’ nights (with no interruptions!), who do not make snide comments toward a perceived female threat, and who have their own life. In addition, jealousy is such an ugly, unattractive quality, and there are no excuses for acting inappropriately toward someone out of spite. So please don’t be mean or hateful toward every girl he communicates with because, ultimately, he will end up being mean and hateful towards you. Despite this, he still wants to feel loved, so make him feel needed, not controlled.

Alright, now this is a quality I’ve definitely noticed that guys indescribably appreciate: a girl who is not self-conscious. All girls definitely have their insecurities, but when you’re getting intimate with your man, don’t let him know you feel that way. When a boy gets excited, they want the girl more than she wants him. He will not reject you because of your love handles, your cellulite, or your monster thighs. In fact, guys like a girl with a little meat on her bones anyway, so even if you’re feeling insecure, just act like you don’t because it ruins the mood when you do. Intimacy is such an important part of any romantic relationship, so if you don't let yourself go with him a little bit, then he'll find someone who does. Nobody said it better than Julia Roberts herself in Eat, Pray, Love when she’s speaking to her friend who is concerned about how men will perceive her after her weight gain in Italy as they pig out on pizza (sorry, I know that was a mouthful- no pun intended), “In all the years that you have undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery.” The truth. 

Then here are some givens, but guys value honesty, brains, independence, loyalty, the ability to be his best friend, and, especially, discretion. Show a boy you have all of these qualities and he will definitely respect you, even if he doesn’t currently want a girlfriend. Always make him feel as though you are friends first because the basis of any quality romantic relationship is a friendship. Build up the level of trust and commitment so he feels comfortable enough to refer to you as his girlfriend.

This might be way too old-fashioned, but guys love a girl who can cook (just as girls love a guy who can cook!), but, seriously, sometimes the way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach. Also, transitioning from the kitchen, out of all our 5 senses, the sense of smell is the strongest trigger of the human memory. So, if you smell good, he’ll likely remember you, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. The ability to style yourself is also important, even though some guys could care less, but dressing cute will definitely get their attention.

Okay, so I think I’ve enumerated some of the central qualities present in any female who is deemed “girlfriend material.” I may have left a few traits out, but I think this is a pretty accurate outline of what guys want. And, again, I would love feedback from my male readers because nobody knows what guys look for in girlfriends better than you, so don’t be shy! And thanks for reading!! xxx